


Justin T, J.P.

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-21
Updated: 2005-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Introduction to the idea behind the story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin is working at the Diner, he has become a Justice of the Peace and Marriage Celebrant as part of a Gay and Lesbian Center initiative. He doesn’t know Brian. He is studying at PIFA and using the compensation money he got from the civil suit Melanie Marcus organized for him after he was bashed; as well as the money he makes doing his JP duties and working at the diner. He knows Debbie but has not yet met Michael or Brian, although he has heard a lot about them from Deb.

Brian and Michael are returning to Pittsburgh from New York. Michael has been working is the comic book industry, as a writer. He has been unhappy as he was never allowed to put any ‘Gay’ references in the comics. Brian has been a wildly successful advertising executive and had now amassed enough money to set up his own business.

He has also agreed to set Michael up in his own comic book shop. They moved in together when they were in New York. Michael eventually wore down Brian’s resistance and they sleep together when Brian isn’t out tricking in bars.

Brian has decided to give in to Michael and marry him, although he feels that it is wrong and had stipulated that he will not stop fucking everything that moves if he feels like it.

 

Justin was busy in the Diner, conscious of the eyes on him from all his many admirers.

Every so often he would deliberately swish his ass just to hear the sighs.

He looked over to see Debbie shaking her head and laughing at his antics.

“If any of those guys cum on the floor from your teasing, you’re fucking cleaning it up!”

“Why Debbie, are you accusing me of being a prick teaser?”

Debbie slipped around behind Justin expertly balancing the plates of food.

“No, honey, I’m just saying that some of your admirers are a bit on the young side and accidents do happen!”  
Justin smiled up into Deb’s laughing face, his twinkling blue eyes reflecting the lights in her brown eyes.

“So what’s put you in such a good mood at the end of working a double shift?”

“My son and his partner are coming home to live!”

Justin and half the diner covered their ears as the final earsplitting shriek rent the air.

“Deb, that’s great! I can’t wait to meet them; after all you’ve told me I can finally put a name to the face.”

“I know. It’s wonderful. I’ve told them I’m booking them into your sessions too.”

Justin nearly dropped the tray of dirty dishes he was carrying back to the kitchen, “You what!? Why did you do that?”

“Well I was talking to Michael. He is so happy that Brian finally asked him to marry him but he says that Brian doesn’t seem happy. He agreed to do some pre-marital counseling and I said that you were the best in Pittsburgh. So they are booked in to start their eight week sessions with you next week.”

“Let me get this straight,” Justin chose to ignore Debbie’s snort at that statement, “You want me to counsel someone who is already having doubts about marriage and ‘fix’ all their problems?”

“Yup, and I just know you’re the one to do it Sunshine!”

Debbie’s open, honest trusting face shone back at Justin.

Justin felt his heart sink as he was sure he was taking on Mission Impossible.

“Deb, you do know I’m not a miracle worker, don’t you?”

Debbie looked back over her shoulder in confusion as she placed the three Pink Plate specials in front of the customers, “Huh?”

“I mean that establishing a meaningful, lasting relationship between two equally committed partners is hard work at the best of times. If one of the prospective partners is already having doubts, that signals really deep problems. Maybe more than I could deal with.”

“Sunshine, Justin,” Debbie grasped Justin firmly by the chin and gazed into the beautiful blue eyes earnestly, “I know that you will do your best, and that your best is fucking brilliant. So if anyone can help my two other favorite sons, you can.”

Again Justin felt that sinking sensation.

He knew that no matter how impossible he felt it to be; he would do his best to turn Michael and his partner into the perfect loving couple.

 

 

“Your fucking mother did what?”

Brian’s voice echoed through the rafters with outrage.

“Calm down. It was the only way I could get her off my back. If we agreed to go to counseling, she promised she would stop nagging about how unsuited we were and that best friends don’t get married, and well you know the rest.”

“Yeah, that it will all end in tears and we’ll regret it for the rest of out lives.”

Brian finished quoting Deb in a sing-song tone, throwing his arm around Michael and kissing him on the top of his head.


	2. Justin T, J.P.

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this fucking charade! The Gay and Lesbian Centre, you know I fucking hate those self-satisfied, dried up, priggish cunts! All those twats want is for up all to be ‘Perfect little Gays’, like those fucking pricks in Gay as Blazes, no sucking and definitely no fucking!”

Michael had learned to tune Brian’s tirades out years ago.

He just let him rave and drove sedately to the G&L Centre, parked the car in silence; got out and looked in at Brian still sitting in the car and still swearing he wouldn’t have anything to do with the G&L. counselling or any other thing to do with them.

Brian stopped as suddenly as he had started, staring back at the pleading face of Michael and sighing, “Fuck Michael, couldn’t we just go to the baths instead?”

Michael walked stoically into the entrance, giving their names to the gaudily dressed, Mowhawked, purple haired receptionist at the front desk.

“Why yes, the future Mr and Mr Novotney-Kinneys, go right in Justin is expecting you.”

Michael pretended not to see Brian rolling his eyes at the title they had just been accorded, nor did he allow Brian to see the little thrill that passed through his body.

Brian closely resembled a French Aristocrat being led to the tumbrel for his beheading as he followed Michael down the dingy, claustrophobic passageway to the small office Justin used to work with prospective newly-weds.

“They’ve probably got some fucking dried up lesbian spinster, who’ll try to fill your head with all sorts of crap about the need for openness and monogamy and shit like that.”

Again Michael went into automatic ‘ignore mode’ as he knocked on the door.

 

Justin placed the file in front of him.

At the moment it had only the names and some sparse details like addresses and dates of birth, the important notes would be added later.

 

“Come in.” Justin tried for a deep confident voice, but even though it had been many years since his voice had broken it still tended to be rather boyish.

Brian started at the sound of the voice, “Huh, at least it’s not a fucking Lesbo, shit he’s probably a fucking fairy like Emmet. Who else would take this kind of job?”

“Brian, shut the fuck up!”

Michael turned the handle and walked in, an obviously reluctant Brian following.

 

By now Justin had left his desk and moved to the door to welcome his latest clients.

He held out his hand to Michael, who shook it a bit like you would shake a wet fish, Justin had to work hard not to wipe his hand on his trousers.

Brian strode through the door determined to take charge of the proceedings, then stopped dead.

He looked Justin slowly and lasciviously up and down, his smile growing broader and a glint of gold sparling in his hazel eyes.

Justin felt momentarily like a deer caught in the headlights, willing himself to control his instant hard-on and act naturally while this complete stranger seemed to be mentally undressing him.

He coughed to cover his confusion.

He held out his hand to Brian, marvelling at how steady he could make it when inside he felt like jelly.

Brian hesitated a moment, ‘Very fuckable, but he’s a baby, a beautiful fucking baby, but a baby nevertheless. How is he going to fix anything?’

Brian reached for Justin’s hand, holding it a fraction longer that necessary before blurting out, “How fucking old are you?”

Justin bathed him in one of his especially bright, sunshine smiles.

He was totally used to this question, and knew exactly how to deal with it.

“I am twenty-five years old, a little young for a counselling position I will grant you. However I have had full and complete training and I have had more experience with real life problems than most. I am happy to show you my certificates if you need further proof of my qualifications.”

“No, no I’m sure Brian didn’t mean he didn’t think you were qualified.” Michael trailed off, well aware that that was exactly what Brian had meant but used to trying to smooth waters his prospective mate had ruffled with his outbursts.

“No that is what I meant.” Brian gave Michael a look that said, “You do not speak for me.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to that question and I take no offence. I would want to know that something as important as a marriage to last to the end of my days was being handled by someone who is qualified and experienced and who would handle the situation with the expertise and concern it deserves.”

Brian looked up into the sparling azure eyes with a new respect.

“Well Sunshine, let’s get on with it. I’ve got just enough time to do this and still get ready to hit the clubs tonight.”

Justin laughed into Brian’s face, “Did Debbie tell you her pet name for me?”

Brian’s breath caught in his throat as he gazed into Justin’s eyes, “No, it just seemed right.”

For minutes that seemed like an eternity they were caught in each other’s eyes. The hazel eyes seemed to be unable to drag themselves away from the blue and the sparkling blue eyes, equally entrapped.

Michael pulled at Brian’s sleeve.

Brian shook his head as if to clear it.

Justin blinked as if awakening from a dream.

They sat in the three chairs arranged for that purpose in front of Justin’s desk.

Justin picked up the file and a pencil to make notes.

“The purpose of these meetings is so that we all get to know each other better.”

Brian groaned inwardly, ‘I fucking knew it. Torture time for Kinney. At least the scenery isn’t too hard on the eye.”

Justin was glad he could spout the beginning spiel off by heart, because he knew if he’d had to read it from the proforma he used to use he would be stammering worse than he was now.

‘If only he wouldn’t look at me like that. Like I’m the sheep and he’s a wolf.’

“We work through a series of programs over the next eight weeks.” 

Justin came to an abrupt halt when he saw Brian almost jump out of his chair.

“What!? How many weeks? I thought this was it. We come, you fix, we leave, we marry and live happily ever after. Right?”

Justin stared at the snarling countenance in front of him, unconsciously moving back further into his chair.

Michael studiously studied the paint peeling from the ceiling.


	3. Justin T, J.P.

Brian tried to look interested as Justin outlined the course aims and expected outcomes, as well as the specific topics they would be covering through the next eight weeks.

The only time he really paid attention was when Justin mentioned the words ‘intimate sex life’ but these were followed by the words commitment and relationship so he went back to mentally planning his next advertising campaign and rearranging the furniture in his new office.

Michael was avidly following Justin’s every word and solemnly nodding at various intervals, even when Justin mentioned there were various exercises and homework that accompanied each session.

“Well as this is our first time together we have a simple form to help us determine the level of your compatibility.

It does have some limited socio-psychological validity but we don’t really take it all that seriously at the beginning of our pre-marital counseling.

It does become more interesting however at the end of the course when we repeat the test and compare results.”

Michael looked over at a still obviously preoccupied Brian.

He tried to subtly nudge him; however on receiving no sign of a reaction,“Brian,” his hiss seeming to echo in the small dingy office.

“Yeah, what? Time to leave already?”

Brian’s confused look was almost comical and Justin had to cough to hide a chuckle.

Michael rolled his eyes and silently handed the sheet of paper to Brian.

“What am I supposed to do with this? Use it for toilet paper?”

Both Michael and Justin chose to ignore the comment as Justin passed out the pens to the two men and began to write comments in the file.

As he wrote he couldn’t help but unobtrusively observe the two men, as they both were busy filling in the form.

He longed to smooth the hair back off Brian’s face, ‘Hmm, gently move it out the way then maybe stroke my fingers down those perfectly chiseled cheek bones just to feel him lean in, inviting more intimate caresses. Fuck Justin what are you doing, no fantasizing about clients? Concentrate on the paper work. Great what do I write, ‘this couple have a snowball’s chance in Hell of working out? They have nothing in common except the fact that they were childhood friends.’

He looked up to see Brian smirking knowingly at him, holding his sheet of paper out for Justin to collect.

Again he seemed to be trapped in the gaze of his client, his eyes dropping to the perfect lips.

‘God I’d love to kiss those lips, even if they do belong to the most arrogant bastard I’ve ever met.’

Brian smiled back, as if in invitation.

Michael looked up from his paper, unwittingly breaking the unspoken connection, “What if I don’t know the answer to some of the questions?”

He remained oblivious to the frustrated sigh from Brian and was staring intently at Justin.

“It’s okay, it is not a test that you have to pass, it’s just to give us an initial idea, a place we can work from.”

“Well I don’t think it is a very good test. It doesn’t ask me what I know about Brian and I know plenty. This is about stuff I don’t know like attitudes and thoughts; it even asks what his favorite color is? If it asked what his favorite labels were, or what kind of drink he liked I could get them all right.”

Michael’s petulant tone irritated both Justin and Brian.

Justin was more successful at hiding it as he explained the test aimed to delve deeper into the relationship the two were building than mere surface areas.

“Yeah, some lucky bastard was paid a mint to think up these fucking questions Mikey, just to make shmucks like us feel inferior. If you don’t like it we can always cancel the next few sessions, take off to sunny California or over the border to Canada and do the dirty deed there and come back already hitched. What do you say huh?”

“I say that ma would rip our balls off and force feed them to us!” 

He bent his head back over his paper, screwing up his face in consternation and sucking on the end of his pen as he pondered what to write.

After fifteen minutes Brian had nearly drifted off to sleep and Justin decided to put Michael out of his misery.

“I think maybe we should call a halt.”

He stretched out his hand to take the sheet from Michael.

“But I haven’t finished yet!”

Again the whine set the other men’s teeth on edge and again Justin managed to hide his reaction while Brian didn’t bother.

“Just pass it over so we can get out of here!”

Michael looked like he was in the verge of tears as he handed the paper over.

Justin looked at the half-completed paper, some of the answers illegible due to the amount of crossing out Michael had done.

“Well you can’t leave just yet,” Justin tried for his most charmingly disarming smile, somehow knowing that his next statement would be like striking a match to a tinderbox.

“We can’t?”

Justin had seen black thunderclouds that heralded a really bad storm that looked less threatening than Brian’s face at that moment.

He swallowed, mentally reminding himself of his duty and position, regaining his confidence and sense of purpose with that reminder, “We ask each partner to check the other’s answers and note if they are correct or not. There is often some quite vigorous discussions, especially regarding some of the less obvious ‘hypotheticals’ that are proposed within the questionnaire. This is usually a really therapeutic exercise and often provides the groundwork for the next few sessions.”

Brian worked hard not to grind his teeth in frustration.

“Very well, give us Mike’s paper.”

Justin watched in amazement as Brian whisked through the answers Michael had labored over, swiftly writing no and an occasional yes in the margins and making no other notations at all.

Michael on the other hand was reading the answers and compiling copious notes in the wide margins at the side.

Justin was surprised to see that most of Brian answers about Michael were correct, looking over at the paper in Brian’s lap he also saw that most of the paper that Michael had half-completed had ‘no’ covering it.

‘Well.’ Justin thought ruefully to himself. ‘I suppose complete incompatibility definitely gives us a starting point. If you are at rock bottom there is nowhere else you can go but up.”

 

As he was reflecting on this, he looked up again staring directly into the challenging eyes of Brian.

“Well, Sunshine, ready to turn us into a ‘perfect couple’?” Brian nearly spat the words out and Justin had to fight the urge to recoil from the vehemence of the statement.

“No I think that would be impossible.”

Justin smiled his sunniest smile at the couple in front of him; taking in Brian’s triumphant, almost malicious grin and Michael’s downcast look.

“A relationship can’t be formed by an outsider, it takes honest, hard work from all parties to make a ‘perfect couple’.”

He grinned at the complete reversal of expressions as Michael smiled lovingly at Brian and Brian looked shocked and trapped.


	4. Justin T, J.P.

Brian looked back at Michael, “Are you sure you don’t want to come to Babylon?”

The sing-song voice seemed to have no effect on Michael.

“How can your favorite cartoon character be Batman? How can it not be Captain Astro?”

Brian breathed deeply as he mentally cursed the damn questionnaire that had brought about the constant whining ever since they had left Justin’s office.

“He fucking looks better, he’s got more edge and his character is darker and more interesting than Captain Astro.”

Brian tried to sound patient, but his irritation crept through the tone.

Michael remained oblivious to his rising annoyance, pouncing on the next topic like a cat after a mouse.

“How could you like blue better than red?”

“Mikey, have you ever looked into my wardrobe? How many red things can you find? Now would you fucking drop it? There is nowhere that says we have to know every fucking thing about each other. Now would you just forget about that fucking questionnaire? You’re starting to make me wish I’d never asked you to marry me at all!”

Michael looked as if he’d been slapped across the face.

He opened his mouth to speak, shut it quickly, then turned and almost ran into the large bathroom.

“Fuck! Now I’ve done it,” Brian glanced at his watch it was only ten o’clock he still had plenty of time to cajole Michael out of the bathroom, fuck him thoroughly and then make it to Babylon for some more hot fucking.

He stalked over to the door and knocked softly.

“Mikey, you know I didn’t really mean that. I just feel pissed off with all the hoops we have to jump through before we are allowed to get married. It’s not anyone’s business but yours and mine. No fucking quiz can tell if we are suited or not. It can’t know our history, how we have always shared everything; the good times and the bad. How, no matter what the fucking questionnaire says to the contrary, we know each other inside and out. We know who we can count on and it is always and only each other.”

Brian could hear the hiccupping of Michael as he fought to stop his tears from flowing as he stood behind the door.

As Michael slowly emerged from the bathroom, Brian nearly swooped on him and threw him on the bed.

Michael looked up at him, adoration and hero worship plain in the limpid brown eyes.

He lowered his lashes as provocatively as he could and smiled invitingly up at Brian.

Brian rolled his eyes and bent down to begin the ritual of fucking they both enjoyed.

As Michael clung to his sweaty body at the end of their energetic session, Brian worked to get comfortable, again glancing at his watch, unaware that Michael was watching sadly from under his arm.

“You go to sleep Mikey, I’ve just got time to fit Babylon in before it’s too late. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

Brian was now sitting on the edge of the big bed.

Michael shook his head and pulled the covers up to his chin, already drifting off to sleep, wishing he was still in Brian’s arms.

Brian pushed himself off the bed and carefully redressed himself, finishing by looking over in the mirror approvingly.

He glanced over at the sleeping Michael and sighed; then headed out of the door towards Babylon.

 

Justin tentatively entered the doors of Babylon, with Emmett pushing him impatiently from behind.

“You look ravishing Sweetie, every guy here is going to want to fuck you. Come on you deserve a bit of fun, loosen up!”

Justin smiled back over his shoulder.

“Emmett you know I’m not into casual sex, I believe in relationships, I wouldn’t do the job I do if I didn’t.”

“Spoilsport, what kind of homosexual are you?” Emmett poked his tongue out at a laughing Justin.

“The kind that loves to dance and paint and draw and help people find their right partners in life.”

Justin was already starting to move to the music as they weaved their way through the crowd.

“Well, I think having a partner for life is wonderful. However,” Emmett looked sternly at Justin, “There’s nothing wrong with having your needs met, until you find Mr Right, if you have an itch, scratch it!”

Justin grinned up at his best friend, “You are telling that to the wrong person. I have allergies remember, I learnt a long time ago if you have an itch, don’t scratch or it ends up a dirty great big sore patch on your body!”

“Ok I give up! You can be Mr Unattainable look but don’t fuck, I’ll be Mr Available here I am!”

Emmett raised his hands above his head and gyrated enthusiastically as he and Justin rapdly became engrossed in the pumping beats that vibrated through their bodies.

 

Brian had noticed the pair as soon as they entered.

He leant back against the bar, glad that Michael had decided not to come with him.

Brian stayed there a few moments watching Justin and Emmett, finally making a decision, he let his eyes wander around the room; spotting what he wanted on a stool nearby.

He stalked up to the younger man jerking his head in the direction of the dance floor.

His quarry looked up eagerly and followed Brian onto the dace floor.

Brian made sure they ended up near Justin and Emmett.

He continued to watch Justin as he danced slightly miffed that Justin had not yet noticed his presence.

He continued t work on dancing closer to the pair he had in his sights, he neither noticed nor particularly cared for the fact that his potential trick followed slavishly.

He found he couldn’t take his eyes off Justin.

Justin dressed for work and seated in his office had been hot; but Justin dressed for fucking, gyrating heedlessly on the dance floor was fucking irresistible.


	5. Justin T, J.P.

Brian deliberately moved behind the still oblivious Justin and Emmet.

He maneuvered himself so that he was as close to Justin as possible without actually touching him.

He reveled in the smell that was emanating from the young man.

‘Christ they should bottle that, call it ‘Irresistible’ no fag could resist it.’

‘God look at him move. Imagine that in bed.’

Brian found it impossible to stop looking at Justin ass.

He knew that he was surrounded by hot sweaty and very willing men, but he could not seem to draw his eyes away from Justin.

He watched as the sweat flew from Justin’s silver hair, and ran down the back of his neck.

He almost groaned as he watched it disappear down the secret crevice below the waistband of Justin’s skin-tight jeans.

‘I have to get the fuck out of here. This is really playing with fire.’

Then everything changed, as Justin turned around, his face alight with life and joy radiating from his flashing smile.

Brian held his breath, moving closer placing his arms around Justin’s waist.

Justin smiled up into Brian’s face, his blue eyes sparkling with delight.

He gazed up into Brian’s conflicted hazel eyes.

Then suddenly seemed to recollect himself.

“Brian!” the cry was almost a yelp.

“Brian?” Emmet echoed Justin’s shout, adding, “Shouldn’t you be at home with your husband to be?”

“I’m allowed off the leash at night.”

Justin winced at Brian’s sardonic reply, pushing himself firmly out of Brian’s grasp.

Brian felt a pang of loss as the young man left his arms.

Justin looked around the room, “Where’s Michael?”  
Emmet snorted, knowing that Brian would rather come to Babylon alone than come with Michael; that way he didn’t have to look at Michael’s downcast face as he led yet another trick into the backroom.

“He’s home. He doesn’t seem to like Babylon much these days.”

Justin was sure he could detect a note of bitterness in the assertion.

He looked at the trick still desperately trying to get Brian’s attention.

“So who’s your friend?”

He nodded in the direction of the Twink gyrating madly by Brian’s side.

“Who knows and who cares? As long as he’s fuckable.”

This time the bitterness and hurt in Brian’s tone were unmistakable.

He went to turn his back on Justin; Justin held out his hand as if to stop him.

“Do you want a drink?”

Brian looked down at Justin, then at his dance partner, “Yeah.”

He made his way over to the bar, leaving the Twink dancing alone.

Emmet took his place reluctantly, watching worriedly as the pair walked over to the bar.

“So what do you do when you aren’t handing out pearls of wisdom or fucking up perfectly good relationships?”

Justin decided to ignore the challenge and just answer the question. He instinctively knew if he was defensive Brian would feel more inclined to attack.

“I am studying art at PIFA and work at the diner for Deb part time. I thought you already knew that.”

“I’m sure Mikey did, he always knows shit like that.”

Brian ordered two JBs after a nod from Justin.

“Yes he does seem to have some great social skills.”

“Oh yeah for others he’s great. He can be really sensitive and caring you know? Sometimes he sees things about people that others just miss or take for granted.”

‘Well, that’s better. That is the first nice thing I’ve heard him say about his future partner for life. So why do I feel so shitty?’  
Justin decided to nurse his drink along while Brian downed his and ordered another immediately.

He felt it a bit peculiar that he could talk so easily to a near stranger, where he could hardly speak at all to Mikey these days.

“So how is your business going? It must take a lot to uproot everything and start anew in a different city.”

“Well not really, a lot of my clients came with me and I already had a client list in mind when we moved here. Once the word went out I had customers breaking down my doors.”

Brian looked at Justin smugly.

Justin was looking at the perfect lines of Brian’s face, his fingers itched to grip a pencil and commit the lines to paper.

He reached out to trace the line of Brian’s jaw without thinking, running the tips of his fingers along to Brian’s lips.

He leaned in to Brian.

“What are you doing?” the soft voice interrupted his reverie.

Justin jerked back, alarmed at what he had almost done and flustered that Brian had not reacted with horror.

“I – I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Brian leaned in to Justin, again inhaling the sweet scent.

“I nearly kissed you.”

Justin whispered the words into Brian’s ear.

“Why didn’t you?”

Brian’s voice was so soft for a minute Justin thought he’d imagined it.

“I don’t, I can’t!” Justin’s panicked stammer was thrown back over his shoulder as he almost ran to the exit, grabbing Emmet as he left.

“Justin!”

Brian wasn’t sure if he really wanted Justin to come back or not.

He did know that if he ever got to taste those lips he would never be able to stop there and he did know he really wanted to taste those lips.

“Fuck!” he growled.

A tall dark haired man in a silver shirt replied, “Love to!”

Brian rolled his eyes, looking for more challenging prey.

He spotted; he conquered.

An unsatisfactory blow job later, where he desperately and unsuccessfully tried to keep his mind from imagining it was Justin’s lips wrapped around his rock hard cock.

He finally crawled into bed beside Michael.

‘I am not wishing it was Justin beside me. I do not want to be fucking Justin right now. I cannot still feel his trembling fingertips tracing my lips.’

“Fuck,” he said as he threw back the covers and made his way to the bathroom to jerk off.

 

“Justin what is the matter? I’ve never seen you move like that before. You lit out of there like the hounds of hell were after you.”

Justin stared straight ahead at the wet, shining road.

“Just a wolf. A gorgeous fucking wolf, but a wolf nevertheless.”

Justin sighed.

“But honey you only danced with me then went to have a drink with Brian. Oh, no! You didn’t, he didn’t, oh shit!”

Justin sighed and looked down at his shoes.

“Nothing happened. It’s okay, but fuck Emmet, I can still feel the pull. It was one of the most intense feelings. How the fuck am I meant to work with the guy if I have feelings for him?”

“If you don’t Michael will wonder why and Deb will kill Brian.”

“Why Brian? It’s just as much my fault as it is his.”

“You don’t know the world according to Deb. It is always Brian’s fault, that’s just the was it is.”

 

“So what do I do?”  
“You’re asking me? Honey I can’t decide what to wear on my feet in the morning. But if it was me, I’d avoid him like the plague. Do not let yourself be alone with the man for one minute.”

Emmet pulled up outside Justin’s place, with Justin nodding vigorously.

Justin jumped out of the jeep, a new determination in his step.

He looked after Emmet as he roared off down the empty street, then looked down at the hard on he’d sported since encountering Brian at the bar.

“You heard the man, we are going to avoid temptation; so bad luck it’s Mrs Palmer and her five sons for you.”


	6. Justin T, J.P.

Justin tried to keep his mind and his attention on the words Michael was saying but somehow his thoughts and gaze kept being drawn back to Brian.

Brian sat back in his chair, eyes half lidded and mildly amused as he witnessed the struggle.

Justin had suggested they take advantage of Michael’s obvious passion for comics, (it was the only thing other than Brian he seemed to have a passion for).

He proposed that they use a visual to find out their commonalities and differences.

“It’s called an identity web, you start by putting your name in the middle, then you work your way out, putting things like your likes, dislikes, etc around your name. I will do it too, so that we strengthen our working relationship.”

He noticed Brian wince at his use of the word and sighed softly to himself, ‘How is he supposed to establish a relationship with someone if he can’t stand the sound of the word?’

“Huh?”

Justin took in the perplexed expression on Michael’s face and the way Brian rolled his eyes and tried to make it easier for Michael.

“You go around your name and list things like people you like or dislike, food you enjoy or hate, things you like to do in your spare time, movies you like or hate, sports you like or hate, things you like to read, stuff like that. You can add pictures if you want to, I usually do.”

It really wasn’t Justin’s fault that Michael couldn’t seem to get past listing his favourite comics, who knew there would be so many, so why did Brian keep giving him the evil eye?

Brian had written Brian in large block letters in the middle of the paper and stopped.

Justin looked nervously at his watch; he’d tried all the tricks of the trade, which all counselors know to use when clients are stuck and need to be moved on but to no avail.

It seemed when Michael was given a chance to speak about his passion nothing could dissuade him.

Eventually Brian looked up from the doodles he was scribbling around his name and reached over to Michael.

“Mikey,” he murmured softly into his prospective partner’s ear, “Shut the fuck up.”

He then kissed Michael thoroughly and effectively into silence.

At the end of the kiss, Michael sat back in his seat, a wide smile covering his face.

Justin sat stock still, looking like he was about to vomit.

Brian sat on the edge of his seat, glancing at his watch, “Time’s up counselor, see you next week.”

He handed the two papers to Justin.

Justin stared at the paper unseeing, while Brian nonchalantly escoted an eager Michael out of the door.

Justin stared at the door, “What the fuck am I going to do?”

He couldn’t believe the almost physical reaction he’d had when Brian kissed Michael.

It felt like he’d been kicked by a karate expert right in the solar plexus.

 

He was trying to explain it to Emmet later that day, however it was less an explanation and more a ‘trying to verbalize something to get your head around it’ type of conversation.

Emmet listened patiently for about five minutes.

“That is it, you need major retail therapy followed by extensive drinking, dancing and fucking at the nearest watering hole!”

Justin grinned up at his friend, “OK you win, I’ll shop, I’ll drink, I’ll dance!”

“Oh well three out of four isn’t too bad I suppose!” Emmet sighed and then clapped his hands.

“Let’s shop till we drop!”

 

“Brian, are you sure you have to go in to work? I thought we could stay in tonight.”

Brian bit his tongue to hold back the curt reply of, “If I have to listen to you singing Justin’s praises about what a wonderful counselor he is and how he just seems to understand our situation perfectly and how hot he is one minute more I’ll kill you, Justin and then myself to save Deb the time.”

Instead he said in an almost level tone, “Mikey, you know I have to do lots of extra work. I have to re-establish ties with the industry here and establish a new client base. That doesn’t just do itself.”

“Yes but I thought Cynthia and Ted could help you with that stuff.”

Brian gritted his teeth to stifle the sharp response to the whiny, yet dismissive tone Michael was using.

“Sorry Mikey, I have to go. Why don’t you send the time finding places for your collections and comics in the loft?”

“That’s a great idea, will you bring some Take Out home with you?”

“Yeah, although I thought I might go visit Woody’s before I come home.”

“Hmm,” Mikey was already poring over his comics, carefully filed in specially made boxes, “Ok Hun.”

Brian nearly choked as he heard the endearment but thought it wasn’t worth tackling Michael with it, as it would have taken a nuclear bomb to tear Michael from his comics when he was truly engrossed.

Brian finally finished the last call and made sure he was happy with the boards ready for the presentations he had scheduled for the next day.

He entered Woody’s like a king entering his castle.

He immediately spotted Emmet and Ted, admiring the view of Justin’s ass as he bent over the pool table.

He was in two minds about going over to the group, as he instinctively realized staying in close proximity to Justin was probably flirting with danger.

Brian was just about to turn around when Emmet spotted him in the doorway.

“Brian!” the entire population turned to look at their erstwhile leader.

Emmet minced over to Brian, “Come and join us, we need another player, Justin is beating both of us and we need a decent excuse for losing so badly.”

Emmet grabbed Brian by the arm and led him over to the table.

Brian put his best reluctant martyr face on, thinking, ‘Oh well, I thrive on flirting with danger.”

He sighed as he looked at the excited face of Justin talking animatedly to Ted.


	7. Justin T, J.P.

Brian bought everyone a drink and lounged against the bar, smirking at the surrounding throng.

“So do you want to play?”

Justin bounced up to him, elated by his easy victory over both Ted and Emmet.

“I’m always up for a game.”

Justin chose to ignore the deliberate double entendre.

“We could play doubles. You and I against Ted and Emmet.”

Brian groaned, “Or we could have a real game, and play against each other.”

As he spoke he moved closer to Justin, who suddenly found himself unable to move, caught by the deep golden flecks in the blue-green eyes.

‘God, now I know how the little mouse feels just before the cobra strikes.’

“Justin!” Emmet threw his arm around Justin’s shoulders, drawing him away from Brian, blissfully unaware of the invisible daggers being thrown at his back by Brian’s eyes.

“Teddy and I are off to see the latest Star Wars movie, mmm yummy Ewan Mc Gregor goodness!”

“I took Molly to see it the other day.”

“Oh, ok, catch you later,” Emmet strolled off with Ted, not noticing the almost panicky look now plastered over Justin’s face when he realized he was now effectively alone in Woody’s with Brian.

Brian was looking on in sardonic amusement, knowing exactly why there was a look on Justin’s face of sheer panic.

“What’s wrong, worried about being left alone with someone of my reputation?”

Again Brian moved into Justin’s space, his lips just inches from Justin’s.

“Worried I’m gone whup your ass?”

Justin made a sudden decision; he knew he was safe enough; after all they were in a public place weren’t they?

Maybe he could indulge in a little harmless flirting.

Maybe he could teach this incredibly self assured, arrogant bastard a lesson.

“I never need to worry about my ass!”

Justin turned away deliberately showing off one of his best assets and sashaying over to the pool table.

‘Huh? Now how did that happen?’ Brian carefully schooled his face so not one inkling of his thoughts were revealed, ‘How did the hunter suddenly become the hunted? Well this should be fun.’

The two men were fairly evenly matched although Brian should probably have been ahead by at least a couple of balls.

It seemed just as Brian was about to play a tricky or important shot, Justin would just have to do up a loose shoe lace, placing his back to Brian and giving him a great view if he could tear his eyes away from the shot.

At other times Justin would lean against the pool table drinking a beer, allowing Brian another delightful view of his long, elegant, graceful neck, finishing by licking the foam delicately from his plump, inviting lips.

‘Did he just hear Brian groan?’

The final straw for Brian was when, just before Brian was about to pot the black for the win, Justin placed himself nearly on top of the pocket, one leg each side of the corner of the table, his cock resting lightly over the pocket.

Justin looked innocently at Brian, a smile so brilliant it was almost blinding, lighting up his face.

This time he was sure he heard a groan.

Brian missed the shot, almost potting the white.

He controlled his temper, dismissing the urge to shove the pool cue into Justin’s ass, as he passed the cue to Justin.

Justin accepted the cue graciously, “So what do I get when I whup your ass?”

Again Brian felt almost blinded by the infectious smile.

“Who said you could?”

Justin missed the menace behind the statement.

The sweet scent of victory, or was it Brian’s aftershave, made Justin reckless with glee, “The little black ball, hovering over the pocket, just waiting for a skillful player like me to pot it.”

Brian grinned to himself, ‘It is about time you were taught a lesson youngster and I’m just the man to do it.’

Brian waited until Justin was positioning himself over the table, stretched out to place the pool cue close to the white ball across the other side, his cute bubble butt stuck up in the air in an effort to get more of his body onto the table.

Brian draped himself almost negligently over Justin, placing his rock hard cock neatly into the crevice of Justin’s jeans.

He grinned evilly to himself as he heard Justin’s swift intake of breath, “What the fuck are you doing?”

Justin’s hiss tickled Brian’s ear, causing the grin to become even wider.

“I’m seeing if the skillful pool player, needs a hand,” Brian deliberately placed his hand on Justin’s hips, slowly stroking.

‘Oh God, don’t think of his prick in my ass, don’t think of his prick in my ass.’

Justin tried all the tricks he could think of to calm down, knowing that his face was now a flaming red and overly sensitive to the hard rod shoving its way into his consciousness.

It took all his self-control, which he felt was being systematically shredded, the longer the situation continued, not to push back against Brian.

“So are you going to take your best stroke?”

Brian gave an infinitesimal push forward, wryly discovering he too was enjoying Justin’s predicament far too much for his own good.

Justin felt the warm breath go straight to his cock, awkwardly shoved the pool cue forward, nearly tearing the green cloth and sending the white ball flying over the edge.

He jerked upright frantically trying to control his own raging hard on.

Brian stepped back a little, just enough to trap Justin between the table and Brian as he spun around to confront him, he almost unconsciously rubbed his rigid prick against Justin’s equally hard cock, the layers of cloth separating the two seeming to be almost inconsequential.

He was surprised to find he too was becoming short of breath and that he was somehow now caught in the sparkling blue, distressed eyes glaring up into his.

‘Oh God, look at his lips. No don’t look at his lips, or lean in to him.’

Justin found himself leaning in towards Brian.

‘Shit, fuck, what now? God I want to kiss him, just a tiny bit further and those luscious lips are mine.’

Brian leant in towards Justin.

Their lips softly brushed against each other, hardly touching.

Both men stopped short; both men felt their world’s rock on their axis; both felt the electrical connection shock through their bodies.

“What the fuck?”

Debbie’s outraged, raucous voice jolted the two apart more efficiently than an earthquake splits the earth.


	8. Justin T, J.P.

Brian spun around, effortlessly donning his usual superior persona and carefully hiding the reaction he’d just had, although he was determined to examine it, in detail later, when he had the time.

“Hey Deb, we thought we might have a game. Wanna join us?”

Deb speared him with her gaze, “Are you alright Sunshine? What was this prick up to?”

Justin fought to get his breathing under control and speak normally, “Hey Debbie, yeah, I’m fine, Brian was teaching me how to play pool.”

“As long as that was all he was teaching you.” Deb’s voice was still laden with suspicion but she had halted the death glares she had been directing at Brian, “Or you’ll be worried about different balls than the fucking ones on the pool table.”

Brian repressed the grimace and the urge to cup his jewels for protection.

“Well I’m off home to Michael, he should have finished unpacking by now.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll make tracks too, I’ve still got studying to do.”

“Ok honey, see you tomorrow?”

Justin dredged up a smile for Deb, “As usual!” Only nothing felt usual any more, the world had shifted.

As the two men walked out the door into the misty rain, Brian noticed Justin head toward the bus stop.

“Do you want a lift?”

The words were out before he could stop them, he mentally kicked himself in the ass, ‘What the fuck are you doing Kinney, you just avoided having your balls ripped off once, why the fuck would you put your head in the lion’s mouth again?’

Justin told himself firmly to say ‘no’ to avoid temptation at all costs, he told himself to say no in his brain at exactly the same time his mouth was busily saying, “Yeah, thanks.”

Brian climbed into the jeep, reaching over to open the passenger door for Justin.

He lingered for just a moment as Justin slipped into the passenger seat, almost tempted to give in to the urge to nuzzle the delicious looking neck, the scent of Justin nearly overwhelming the cautionary alarm bells ringing in his brain.

“Make sure you buckle up.”

He made his voice as gruff and unwelcoming as possible.

Justin looked at him in confusion.

Brian started the engine, put the car in gear and set off without a word.

“So, where am I headed?”

Justin jumped as the words split the silence.

‘What the fuck did I do to make him this angry?’

“It’s just down the road a way, then around the corner. It’s just off Liberty.”

He struggled to keep the uncertainty from his voice, but Brian picked up on the tremor.

Justin indicated his turn in silence and told Brian where to pull over in precise tones, again fighting to stop his voice betraying his thoughts.

He rushed to reach for the door handle, cursing as his haste and stress, combined to make his hand shake as he struggled to open the door.

Brian sighed with impatience and leaned across Justin intending to work the handle for him, but once more caught up in the smell and sight of the beauty he saw in Justin.

Justin looked up into the multi-coloured hazel eyes boring into his own, desperately trying to read the almost hooded gaze.

He pulled his hands away from the door handle as if it was burning him.

He fully intended to push Brian away, he was telling himself that at the exact moment he snaked his arm around the back of Brian’s neck and pulled him in closer.

Brian responded by pushing his hands up under Justin’s shirt and pressing his lips against Justin’s lips, tongue already questing for entry.

Both men’s brains were screaming at them to stop, both men seemed powerless to resist.

Lips pressed together and tongues dueling and exploring, running along teeth, sucking one tongue then the other tongue into their hot mouths.

Brian was the first to almost regain his senses pulling back slightly and sucking on Justin’s lower lip as he gazed into the frightened blue pools.

Justin also pulled back as far as the seat would let him, running his tongue along the underside of Brian’s top lip.

“Fuck, what are we doing?”

Justin remained silent, as if by refusing to admit the immense attraction they were enduring they could ignore it.

Brian shook Justin, fighting not to turn it into an embrace and resume the kissing.

“I said, ‘what are we doing?”

“Fucked if I know,” the words left Justin’s mouth involuntarily as if wrenched from between his teeth by some unseen force.

“I’m going to marry Michael, you’re our fucking counselor for Christ’s sake! We cannot do this. This would not be just another casual fuck, you would not be some trick I picked up easily and discarded just as easily.”

Justin felt moved by the pain evident on Brian’s face, “No,” his whisper was barely audible, “No I could never be that.”

His fingers moved from behind Brian’s head to rest each side of his face, solace and concern conveyed by the movement.

Brian leaned into the hand, trying to stop the confusion whirling around his brain and seeking peace in the gentle touch at the same time.

Justin kissed him softly and regretfully on the lips, pushing him away gently but firmly.

Brian allowed himself to be pushed away, but kept his hands on the warm silky flesh beneath Justin’s shirt, “I am no good for you, you know that don’t you? Mikey knows me, Mikey understands me, Mikey forgives me.” The final announcement was so soft Justin wasn’t certain he heard it, “I don’t deserve you.”

Brian jerked himself away from Justin and flung open the door as if fighting an invisible hand.

He couldn’t resist lightly brushing Justin’s lips with his, promising himself that this was his last taste.

Justin fumbled and hastily undid the seatbelt, almost stumbling from the jeep in his rush to escape.

Brian stared straight ahead, not even acknowledging Justin’s words of thanks as he stood on the pavement.

Justin stared after the jeep as it roared off into the night, screeching around the corner as if the hounds of hell were giving chase.

“Fuck!” he almost spat the words out in his dismay; “I’ve got another counseling session with them the day after tomorrow!”


	9. Justin T, J.P.

Justin looked from one man to the other as they sat on their chairs in front of the desk.

He had devised a program aimed to get them all talking and sharing their past, so that connections were made and strengthened.

He decided to use a process where each person was to speak uninterrupted and then the other two would demonsrate their ability to listen and understand with empathy by reflecting back the gist of the speech.

He decided on this course, even though he had really wrestled with the idea of using it, because in the past it had meant he got to know his clients very well and vice-versa. In fact many of the couples who had undergone these types of sessions still stayed in touch and some even remained friends.

The hour session was divided up into four parts, the structure was an important part of the whole approach as it began with a low key, relatively easy, very non-threatening sharing session and finishes with a very personal and emotive revelation of inner thoughts and feelings.

Justin thought this was the only approach that might encourage Brian to loosen up and for Michael to actually listen and not assume he knew what Brian was thinking.

What he had not planned on was that Brian would balk at the very first question.

It had taken them nearly fifteen minutes to explain the process to Michael, who immediately wanted to know if he could ask questions.

“Yes Mikey, Justin said that you get two minutes to ask questions before you have to feedback whatever was said by the speaker.”

Justin marveled at how patient Brian was being with Michael, there was not even so much as a roll of the eyes as he patiently repeated the guidelines for the process again and again to the confused looking Michael.

“I think I understand, but I don’t see how it would help our relationship. The only person who gains from this is Justin, I already know everything about Brian and he knows everything about me.”

Michael was busy staring into space thinking of all the sexual experiences and exploits he’d had with Brian, so he missed the look that passed between Justin and Brian and the roll of Brian’s eyes at the patently untrue statement.

Justin sat in silence, cursing himself for expecting Brian to start this process, but unable to interrupt due to his unwillingness to interrupt the process.

Brian almost looked like he was in pain and although Michael seemed to remain oblivious Justin felt his struggle acutely.

The topic Brian was thinking about was, ‘Describe the sights, smells, tastes and textures involved in the earliest, happiest memory involving your family’.

Justin watched helplessly as the colour drained from Brian’s face.

‘Shit, this is supposed to be the easiest question of the lot. The only people who usually have any problems with this are abuse victims and there is nothing in the paperwork to indicate that.’

The silence lengthened as Brian continued to struggle, he had promised Michael he would make an effort this time, which was why he had volunteered to go first to show Michael how the process worked.

‘If I’d known what the first fucking subject was going to be I never would have opened my fucking mouth.’

Brian thought back to the times his father had beaten and abused him while his mother was either also abused or busied herself with church work, blocking out the sounds of fist meeting flesh, while her son was beaten by her drunken husband.

‘He let me know exactly how worthless I was at every opportunity, he always made sure I knew I was less than human, an animal, an oddity. He ensured I knew I was never wanted. Even when I achieved some award, at football or for my studies, I never received any positive acknowledgement.’

He thought back to the time his father had picked up one of his trophies and thrown it at him narrowly missing his head but smashing the window behind the shaking boy, fighting back tears.

He still wasn’t sure what hurt more the smashing of the trophy he was so proud of or the hurtful words that told him not to think he was special or clever just because some coach felt sorry for ‘the skinny kid’ and gave him a trophy out of pity.

His father had never once attended one of his matches or seen any of his science projects, which also won awards and prizes or his graduation when he spoke as valedictorian of his year.

He was stunned to think that despite his best efforts he could not think of a happy time with his family.

By this time he had lowered his head to his hands, Justin was waiting quietly fighting to keep the look of pity from his face and working to maintain a professional demeanor, Michael had rapidly become bored and had started to daydream.

At last Brian lifted his head, Justin felt his heart ache as he saw the obvious effort to fight back tears and felt in awe of the obvious strength Brian exuded as he finally said, “I’m going to change the topic to include Deb and Mikey as my family.”

Justin nodded in encouragement, signaling that the decision was acceptable.

Michael’s head jerked up as he heard his mother’s name mentioned.

Brian then talked about a time when Deb and Mike had attended a soccer match at which he had excelled and then been carried off the field on the shoulders of his teammates. He had Michael grinning in remembrance and Justin could easily picture the event from Brian’s comical description. He detailed the meal that Deb had provided at the team’s celebration and how the coach had tried to crack on to Deb during the meal.

Michael looked shocked as he had not even noticed and was nearly going to interrupt the account to argue the point when he caught Justin’s eye and subsided into wounded silence.

After a vigorous question time, Justin asked Michael if he was ready to give feedback on Brian’s story reminding him there was to be no comment on the veracity of the story and that the aim of the exercise was for each participant to be able to come as close to a retelling of the story as possible.

Justin offered to go first and was fairly accurate in his recounting of Brian’s story. Brian made a few notes where there were some inaccuracies.

They all laughed at some of the small details that Justin had made errors with; especially his mispronunciation of the Italian dishes Deb had cooked for the team.

Michael beamed, as he knew that his would be the most accurate retelling of Brian’s story as he was there too.

He was so busy giving his version of events including making sure Brian knew there was no attraction at all between the coach and his mother that he failed to notice Brian scribbling frantically as he tried hard to keep up with all the inaccuracies in Michael’s recount.

They shared a chuckle at the fact that Michael got the team’s name wrong but remembered every dish Debbie served accurately.

By the end of the hour all participants except Michael felt like they’d been dragged through a wringer backwards.

As expected Brian found the last section especially difficult as he had to detail his feelings for Michael and justify them as well as list the facets of Michael’s character and life that he most admired and why.

However this was only half of the task as he also had to list the most annoying traits and flaws he noticed in his prospective mate and why.

He was grateful that Michael opted to go first and was not surprised when Michael listed his impeccable dress sense as well as his loyalty as his most admired characteristics, although he privately thought he should have mentioned his sexual prowess.

He could also accept that his potential life partner thought he was too self-absorbed and selfish. Although he felt a small thrill as he noticed Justin’s shocked look cross his face quickly before he schooled it once more before into professional detachment.

The time flew by as a lively discussion ensued and Justin was impressed with the openness Brian was displaying as well as his willingness to address the issues raised in the next session.

Justin breathed a sigh of relief after he showed the two men to the door, taking care to keep his distance from Brian.

He’d spent the previous day berating himself for letting himself to get out of hand and reminded himself of the need to stay professional at all times.

He was just congratulating himself on his success when he heard the soft knock on the door.

“Can’t stay long, Michael is waiting in the car. I just wanted to say thank you. You really are helping us to deal with our shit. You show us warmth and compassion and yet you are also trustworthy and professional. I was wondering if you take private clients, or if you could maybe help me find someone like you. In case you didn’t know I find it hard to trust anyone. I am used to fighting my own battles in life and have never ever admitted to anyone not even myself that I might need help. This last session has opened my eyes to the possibility that I might have been living in a fool’s paradise for a long time.”

Justin was dumbfounded by Brian’s confession.

He wanted so much to take the older man in his arms and kiss away his pain, never letting him out of his arms.

Brian was taken aback by the almost fierce expression that flitted across Justin’s face, he almost looked like he was going to reach out to Brian and Brian knew that would be an extremely dangerous move in his present state.

Justin swallowed the lump in his throat, desperately trying to think of something to say that would not result in Brian closing up again or thinking Justin was feeling sorry for him or belittling him in any way.

“I can’t think of anyone off hand.” Justin hesitated as he saw the look of disappointment appear on Brian’s usually unexpressive face, which to Justin now appeared to show raw emotions without the automatic censorship.

‘God what I would give to be able to put a genuine smile on that face.’

 

“I don’t mean I wouldn’t or couldn’t if I tried, I still have contacts from the course and some of the lecturers themselves conduct private practices.” Justin could feel himself babbling, but couldn’t seem to stop the words tumbling out of his mouth.

Brian stopped his verbal diarrhea with an index finger gently pressed across his lips.

“It’s ok, Sunshine. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. It was just something that occurred to me as we got to the car. No pressure.”

Justin could not resist pressing his lips onto Brian’s finger.

He gazed into Brian’s eyes as he unconsciously allowed his lips to slip over the finger.

Both men were astounded at the torrent of emotions that went pounding through their systems at the simple gesture.

Brian slid his hands around the back of Justin’s neck, pulling him in closer and almost drowning in Justin’s fearful eyes.

“Jus?” the question was filled with a million other questions and emotions.

Justin was lost, staring at Brian’s lips wanting to lose himself in Brian’s embrace.

His hands coasted over Brian’s chest and around his back, for a second he allowed his head to nestle under Brian’s chin and Brian brushed his cheek gently over the soft blond hair.

Justin looked up fully intending to push himself out of Brian’s arms, telling him there could be no future in this, instead he found himself staring up into a face that was more vulnerable than any he had ever seen before.

He could not resist that face, no matter what the consequences.

He tilted his face up to Brian, Brian groaned as he crashed his lips down onto Justin’s almost as if he were using the kiss to fight his inner demons or at least keep them at bay.

Justin responded immediately, pressing his slight body hard into Brian, trying to let him know without words the depth of his feelings.

Brian felt lost in the warm inviting mouth; he had never felt this way before, so open and vulnerable and yet loved and safe.

He ran his fingers through Justin’s hair, pressing the young man into his embrace.

They both felt the other’s body get hard at the same instant, wanting nothing more than to throw the other man down across the desk and demonstrate their newly discovered passion.

This was not like the time in the bar, there was no feeling of competition in the ardent kissing and the exploration of each other’s bodies.

This was an expression of the new feelings they were sensing.

There was a feeling of an avalanche crashing down as they desperately tried to swallow each other and climb inside each other’s skins.


	10. Justin T, J.P.

Justin could not believe the joyous feelings that kept flooding through his entire body.

Brian kept marveling at the incredible feeling of peace that was mixed in with the lust that was sweeping through him.

‘Fuck; now I know what they mean by being swept off my feet. Where the Hell did that Lesbian thought come from!’

As each of the men enjoyed their exploration of each other’s mouths the fires coursing through their veins increased and the longing to take it further invaded their thoughts and feelings.

They both heard their inner voices screaming at them to stop and they both drowned the voices in the taste each other.

Brian did not know how his fingers came to be entangled in Justin’s silky hair, pulling him in closer, almost trying to devour him.

Justin just knew he never wanted this feeling to stop as he pressed himself into Brian, trying to disappear into his body.

He found himself slipping his hands up under Brian’s shirt, desperate to touch the skin of this Adonis, needing the contact to confirm the reality.

Brian dropped his hands down onto Justin’s buttocks, pushing his hands under the waistband, reveling in the baby soft smooth skin, gently exploring the crack, grinning at the sudden intake of breath by Justin.

Both men were panting, sweat glowing on their bodies.

Brian was fighting the urge to rip Justin’s clothes off and throw him onto the desk and fuck the life out of him, clinging to the last vestige of his self-control like a man drowning.

Justin was luxuriating in the feel of Brian’s skin, the heat transferring through his fingers and making its way directly to his cock.

As if by an unspoken agreement they broke the kiss together.

Justin stretched up on his toes to kiss Brian along the jawline and down to his neck, nuzzling and kissing, undoing the buttons of Brian’s shirt as he kissed his way down.

He felt this uncontrollable need to kiss Brian’s nipples, licking sucking and caressing as he went.

Brian found breathing more and more difficult.

He buried his face in Justin’s hair raining kisses down onto the feather light locks and grinding his rock hard cock into Justin, wishing the fabric that was separating them could somehow just magically disappear.

Justin looked up momentarily as if reading Brian’s mind, treating Brian to one of his blindingly bright, completely unguarded smiles.

Brian answered with a smile of his own and kissed Justin’s forehead tenderly, before swooping down to capture Justin’s inviting mouth in yet another mind-blowing kiss.

Justin pulled back slightly, losing himself more and more as he gazed into Brian’s eyes.

Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s each man breathing in the erotic scent of the other.

Brian slipped his hand around to the front of Justin’s jeans, plunging his hand down and starting to stroke Justin’s rigid cock.

Justin jumped back as if stung.

“We can’t,” he forced the breathless words passed his swollen lips.

Brian froze, also seeming to come partially back to his senses, “Fuck what am I doing, what are you doing?”

Justin felt the pain behind the words acutely and fought against the urge to enfold the older man in his arms.

Summoning up every bit of his resolve he placed his hands onto Brian’s naked chest and valiantly resisting the tingling in his fingers encouraging him to run the tips over the erect nipples, pushed him gently away.

Again he shared the other man’s intense pain as he did so, “I’ve never, I mean, fuck I don’t know what I mean.”

Brian stared into Justin’s eyes for minutes more, seeing the passion and the torment he shared.

He slowly pulled his hand from Justin’s pants, pulling himself back and seeming to gather himself in as well.

“This cannot happen, can it?”

The words came out flat and emotionless as he could possibly make them but his eyes and body told a totally different tale.

Justin blinked and shook his head, suddenly feeling bereft and unable to utter a word.

“You couldn’t be just a trick, and I can’t give you anything more.”

Brian found himself fighting back the tears.

Justin dropped his head, wanting to put in onto Brian’s shoulder but knowing he couldn’t, as this time he would never have the courage to stop.

He busied himself by doing the buttons of Brian’s shirt back up, starting to tuck it into Brian’s pants when he caught the warning glint in the glorious hazel eyes.

Once more he started to lean in towards Brian and once more Brian started to reach out his arms to Justin.

The knock on the door, followed by Michael’s voice forced them to almost jump to opposite sides of the room.

Justin quickly walked and sat behind his desk, grateful that Michael would not be able to see his predicament.

Brian took a deep breath looked sorrowfully at Justin and shook his head, moving slowly to open the door.

“Brian are you in there?”

Mike’s whining tone seemed to grate on Brian’s nerves even more than usual, especially when he compared them to Justin’s placid reassuring manner.

As Brian opened the door Michael nearly fell through it.

“At last, for a minute there I thought you were in here fucking our councilor.”

Brian tried hard to join in the laughter, succeeding to a certain extent and Michael suspected nothing.

“Of course you wouldn’t, he’s not your type at all.”

Again Michael’s sniggering laughter rang through the room.

This time Brian could not bring himself to laugh, he just felt sick.

He gave in to the temptation to glance at Justin, and seeing his stricken look wished he hadn’t.

“Not to mention, Justin has too much integrity and taste to be even slightly tempted.”

This time Justin looked like he wanted to be sick.

Brian tried to look nonchalant and failed dismally.

Michael sidled up to Brian and put his head on his shoulder, whispering, “No one could resist you, lover.”

Michael turned toward Justin, “So what were you two up to, you weren’t talking about me were you?”

This time Brian did laugh, “No, we were actually talking about me. I was thinking of therapy for me. Justin was recommending some of his colleagues.”

“What, you?! You always said that therapy was bullshit, that fucking was your therapy. Christ Brian, you are perfect just as you are. If you go to therapy it might change you.”

“That is the idea Michael, maybe I do need to change.”

He caught the sparkle-eyed approval in the blue eyes across the table.


	11. Justin T, J.P.

Justin remained in his swivel chair behind his desk for what seemed like hours.

He had to work to keep himself from shaking in the aftermath of the intense feelings that had invaded his body.

He also really wanted to examine those reactions but was terrified to do so.

He forced his trembling hands to complete the paper work, using the familiar routine to start to calm himself down.

“OK you know you have to do this sooner or later, so it might as well be now.

You have never been as attracted, fuck that word, ‘attracted’ just seems so lame, inappropriate for something so sweeping and overwhelming as those feelings.”

Justin hit himself on the head, “Stop that do not let yourself get carried away. 

The only way you are going to get through this, is if you are totally in control, dispassionate and analytical.

Oh shit! I might as well call for the men in white coats to carry me away right now.”

Thoughts of Brian nuzzling his throat and bestowing soft, light kisses against his hair came unbidden as Justin lay his head on the desk.

He began to hammer his head onto the desktop, moaning softly.

 

Brian had tuned Michael’s inane chatter out about three blocks back.

His thoughts continually drifted back to soft, gossamer-fine, silver strands of hair lightly brushing his face as he delicately placed soft kisses upon it.

He tried to concentrate on the road, for once grateful that Michael was driving, as he was sure if he had been driving, he would have put them into the nearest light pole by now.

“Anyway, he ended up in the shop and we got talking. It turns out he like comics, isn’t that amazing?”

Brian made some non-committal noise that Mike took for a yes.

“I told him he was too good for the street and you might be able to place him in one of the ads you were shooting. So he said that he would catch up with us tonight at Babylon.”

“You fucking said what?”

Brian had tuned back in when Michael mentioned work.

“Well you said you needed a fiddler for the tampon ad you are doing in the Italian restaurant and he plays the violin okay. He really needs the money, Brian. Besides, he is kinda cute. He’s got this crazy little goatee. I think he thinks it makes him look smart or somethin’. Anyway he’s meeting us at Babylon tonight so you’ll meet him then.”

“Who said that I’m going to Babylon?”

“Come on Brian, you always go to Babylon. Why wouldn’t you want to go tonight?”

‘A pair of trusting, stunning, sparkling blue eyes!’

“I thought I might go to the office and get some work done.”

“But Brian. . .”

Brian tried hard to keep from wincing, as the whine seemed to waft around the car.

“We’ve hardly gone out together since we moved here.”

‘Does he ever breathe with his nose, instead of always using it to talk through?’

Brian sighed, “Okay, I suppose I can just catch up the work on the weekend. Of course if we didn’t have to go to any more counseling sessions it would really give me so much more time.”

‘Subtle, Kinney, real subtle!’

Michael looked sideways at him, “I thought you were going to take on extra counseling not ditch it altogether. Don’t you care about our relationship?”

“Mikey you know I love you and I want to marry you, but I still fucking hate that word.”

The words were bitten off between clenched teeth and Michael knew to back off.

“So you’ll come to Babylon tonight.”

“Yeah I suppose so.”

“Great!”

 

Justin could not believe he’d let Emmet convince him to come to Babylon after the last episode. He still tingled when he thought about kissing Brian.

 

‘Not thinking about kissing Brian, never thinking of that again. No matter how wonderful it was, or how much I want it to happen again or how much I never wanted it to stop. Fuck!’

Emmet pulled at Justin’s sleeve, “Earth to Justin , what dreamboat are you thinking of hmm?”

“Huh, what? Dreamboat? What makes you think I was dreaming about anyone?”

“Duh, the fact that you had a silly smile on your face, dreamy eyes and you looked like you were just about to drool.”

Emmet grinned at his friend and looked approvingly at his tight jeans and soft cotton shirt outlining his youthful figure with its light blue, tailored lines, emphasizing his slim hips.

“I still think you would have looked great in that bright blue lycra,” Emmet sighed.

“Emmet you know I love you dearly, but I looked like a twinky freak!”

“And the problem with that is?”

“I am not going to dress myself up like a desperate twink looking to be some bear’s next trick.”

“You’re no fun!”

Emmet pushed his friend in the back.

Justin laughed into his face, pulling him onto the dance floor; finding a space easily on the crowded surging dance floor.

“Not true. I’m loads of fun!”

Justin lifted Emmet’s hands up over his head, already almost lost in the driving rhythm and flashing lights.

 

“So this is the world famous musician you were telling me about?”

Brian let his eyes rove over the rather disheveled looking individual standing in from of them, smiling sardonically and not bothering to hide the look of disdain.

“Most people say I’m a genius.”

‘Confident little fucker aren’t you!’

“And what do you say?”

“Well, who am I to go against popular opinion?”

Ethan stared back into the hypnotic hazel eyes, an answering smirk lighting his features.

‘Hot too! Not long ago I would have fucked you, but now you’re just not my type.’

Ethan knew the minute Brian dismissed him as a potential fuck and felt a pang, but reminded himself that he desperately needed this job. Rent was due and the electricity people had threatened to turn off the power.

He smiled his most winning, ‘I’m a poor starving, student pity me’, smile.

Michael was smiling like a fool.

He had completely missed all the signals that had passed between Brian and Ethan.

He passed his gaze over the crowd rapidly becoming bored with a conversation that failed to mention comic characters or himself.

He noticed Emmet and Justin as soon as they entered.

He grabbed Brian by the sleeve and jerked him around to point them out.

“Brian, go and get Justin, I want to introduce him to Ethan. I am sure they’ll get along. They are both artists after all.”

Brian repressed the twinge of annoyance at being ordered around by his prospective partner.

He threaded through the crowd, making his way surely over to where Justin, Emmet and Justin’s many admirers were dancing.

He slowed down as he approached the couple unable and unwilling to resist the temptation to just watch Justin as he danced.

 

Justin was dancing happily with Emmet, occasionally laughing and commenting on some proposition he’d just received or invitation to visit the back room.

Brian found himself fascinated with the image. Justin’s eyes were glowing and his face was filled with carefree joy as he gyrated energetically and demonstrated his attitude to life in every movement.

He seemed blissfully unaware of the erotic spectacle he was exhibiting to the world.

Brian felt an urgent need to get as close as he could to Justin, the sight, smell and taste of Justin became an all-consuming craving.

His body moving automatically to the pumping music, Brian worked his way closer to Justin, eventually coming up behind him and plastering his body against him.

Emmet was lost in his own world of music, movement and hot men and failed to see the arms that snaked around Justin’s waist.

Justin was also lost in the music and his dreams of Brian.

Despite his best efforts he could not stop thinking of the man’s lips, hair, scent, tongue, and cock.

In the end he just decided to go with the flow, after all there is no harm in dreaming is there?

This dream seemed remarkably real though.

He could almost swear he could feel Brian pressing in to the back of him, his rock hard cock pressing into his ass.

He could feel his hot breath puffing gently in his ear and his tongue running over his ear lobe and down his neck, burying his face in his hair.

He was sure he heard him whispering, “You are one fucking hot counselor!”

He felt the hands running over the planes and valleys of his body, as they dropped lower, his eyes flew open.

“Brian!”

Emmet and Justin’s outraged voices carried loudly over the pounding music.


	12. Justin T, J.P.

Brian was still laughing as he led Justin and Brian back to the bar to meet Michael and Ethan.

However he could not get rid of the vague feelings of regret that continued to plague him as he wished the dance could have gone on longer.

Ethan seemed to light up even more on meeting Justin and pushed himself to be utterly charming and irresistible for Justin.

Brian frowned in response, grateful not to have to talk, as Michael and Ethan prattled away about the latest comic heroes, in between Ethan throwing smoldering looks at Justin.

Justin remained politely interested but remote, refusing to be drawn into the debate about the best hero as he tried to recover from his reaction to Brian on the dance floor.

At last having decided a quick trip to the back room would be counterproductive, Brian announced that he was leaving.

“Already? But we only just got here.” 

Brian fought the reaction the ‘nails down the blackboard’ noise of his future life partner provoked in him.

“Ok then, one dance and we’re off.”

Michael gave a squeal of delight and grabbed Brian’s hand hauling him onto the dance floor; oblivious to the look that Brian was throwing Justin’s way.

Justin did catch the look, trying to decipher it as he made vague polite answers to Ethan’s questions.

‘How could he look at me like that? He can’t possibly wish it was me and not Michael he was dancing with. I am their fucking counselor for Christ’s sake. I’m supposed to be helping them get together, not be one of the things forcing them apart.’

Justin found himself watching in agony as Brian and Michael danced together on the crowded floor.

“He’s hot isn’t he?”

Ethan was also watching the pair on the floor.

“What I wouldn’t give to fuck him, or be fucked by him.”

Justin eyed Ethan with distaste, “He’s getting married soon.” he said dismissively. 

“So, doesn’t stop him tricking does it. It certainly doesn’t according to Michael.”

Justin looked dumbfounded, not because he was surprised Brian was a slut, but because Michael had told an almost complete stranger this fact.

 

Justin adjusted the papers on his desk, trying to stop his body reacting to the anticipation it was feeling despite his best intentions.

It was five minutes until Brian and Michael would enter his office, five minutes to try to bring his body under his control.

“I will not get an instant erection the minute he walks through that door. I will keep my eyes away from his crotch, his eyes, his mouth, his . . . oh fuck!” Justin pounded his head into the desktop, “I am so screwed!”

Brian walked into the office, his trademark smirk firmly fixed in place followed by Michael who was still prattling on about his plans for the evening, “So you can bring Justin and I’ll go and pick up Ethan, ok?”

“Mmm?” Brian was struggling with the urge to jump over the desk and take Justin into his arms.

“I said, that I’ll pick up Ethan and take him back to the loft and you can bring Justin.”

“What?!” Justin and Brian shouted together.

“I thought I’d invite Justin and Ethan over tonight for a few drinks. That way they can get to know each other better and you can talk over the spot in the ad for Ethan.”

Michael failed to notice the appalled looks the other two were throwing in his direction.

 

“You weren’t doing anything important tonight, were you Justin?”

Michael’s innocent appeal, caught Justin totally unprepared, ‘Think of an excuse, quick! Don’t say no!’

“No, not really, I was going to do some painting.”

‘Idiot,’ Justin mentally slapped himself on the side of the head.

He took a deep breath and gathered all his wits about him, walking around the front of the desk and preparing himself for another session before he sat down in one of the three chairs.

“Well now that’s settled, let’s get down to the real business. The next step after the last session was for you to examine the positive and negative elements of your character as identified by your prospective partner and to think about some strategies you could adopt to assist you in addressing those issues.”

He looked at the blank face of Michael and the guarded look from Brian and sighed.

“Ok what we are aiming to do is to find some concrete actions you can do, that will help you minimize any perceived problems or even eradicate them altogether.”

“We arrive at an agreed contract and over the next week you keep a journal to detail the progress of the agreements. Remember we keep a balanced approach so we include all areas in the contracts, emotional, physical, spiritual and mental, as well as anything else that might affect the development of a positive relationship between the two of you.”

“Are there any problems you may have with this or anything you don’t understand?”

Brian was already shaking his head as Michael said, “Huh?”

Both Brian and Justin sighed as they labored to explain the exercise as simply as they could for Michael.

At the end of the hour all three felt like they had been hit by Hurricane Dennis although Michael still seemed quite chipper, Brian and Justin looked exhausted.

“So I’ll go get Ethan, you can go do some more work at Kinnetik and then come back and get Justin. How much more time do you need here Justin?”

Justin had hoped Michael might forget about their early agreement and sighed when he realized he hadn’t.

“It’ll take me at least an hour to clear the paperwork.”

“Perfect, luckily Kinnetik is just around the corner and that will give me plenty of time to pick Ethan up from his practice session at the theatre.”

Justin decided to bow to the inevitable and smiled resignedly.

Brian smirked a goodbye and headed out the door, trailed once again by a chattering Michael and holding both contracts tightly in his hands.

 

Justin found it difficult to concentrate on his paperwork, constantly switching from one job to another.

He ended by finishing a file and throwing it into the wire waste bin under the table, instead of into the drawer.

He sighed as he fished the file out of the bin, dusting off the crumbs, swearing softly to himself.

He jumped up hitting his head on the desk as Brian strode into his office.

“You really should lock the door you know.” 

Brian’s tongue was positioned firmly in his cheek.

Justin could not resist grinning back, while he rubbed the back of his head, “Thanks I’ll keep that in mind. Of course this place is so old the lock probably doesn’t work anyway.”

“Are you ready to go or are there more couples you need to fix before we go.”

Justin refused to rise to the obvious bait, finished tidying his desk and made sure he was ready for the next day.

“Do I look all right or should I go home and change?”

He walked around the front of the desk.

Brian took full advantage of the invitation and looked lasciviously up and down Justin’s delectable body.

Justin felt himself flushing.

“You’ll do.”

Brian opened the door and then stood in the entrance, forcing Justin to brush past him on his way out.

The bulges in their trousers increased as Justin turned to lock the door.

“Do you want to chance the lift or use the stairs?” Justin fought to keep his voice steady wondering how he was going to survive an evening in Brian’s company and hoping Brian would choose the lift so at least their time alone together would be mercifully short.

“The lift, I’ve already had my time in the gym today.”

He reached around Justin to press the button, enjoying the younger man’s obvious discomfort.

The lift jerked to a stop and both men entered.

Justin hastened to press the G button, anxious not to risk a repeat of having Brian’s body pressed against him as he did it.

The lift began to rise, “What the fuck?”

Brian looked at the floor display in consternation.

“It’s ok, someone on one of the higher floors probably called for the lift.”

The elevator stopped, jolted and started again.

Justin started to look worried and moved closer to Brian.

The lift stopped, jerked up, dropped a little and then came to a complete standstill.

Justin and Brian gazed at each other in silence.

The absolute silence was almost deafening.

Brian picked up the emergency phone.

He shook it then swore, “Fuck, nothing!”

Justin looked at him, his pale face already starting to sweat, his voice high and strained, “The phone hasn’t worked for months, the GLC have it on their list of thing to fix.”

“Well, I hope they have this fucking lift on the list too!”

Brian’s anger was almost palpable as he started to pace.

“At least the security man will come when he doesn’t see you leave.”

Justin gulped to push the lump in his throat down enough to speak, his voice halting and small.

“You two were my last clients, I had to lock up after I left, John had to go home to his family, I told him I’d be fine. He’s gone.”

Justin struggled to keep the tears from his voice, cursing himself for being a weak faggot.

“So we’re fucking stuck in this lift till the morning?!”

Brian’s shout was deafening in the confined space, Justin covered his ears and cowered in the corner.

Brian looked over at Justin and for the first time, noticed the effect their predicament was having on the younger man.

He moved over to Justin placing a hand gently on his shoulder, his voice deep and reassuring, “Hey, it’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. I promise to be the perfect gentleman. We’ll just use our cell phones and let Mikey know we’re stuck and he can organize a rescue. We’ll look stupid but no harm, no foul, ok?”

He pulled out his phone from his pocket, snapping it open with one hand, leaving his hand on Justin quaking frame, “Fuck no signal! Sorry sunshine, looks like you’re stuck with me till morning.”

He tipped Justin’s face up to his, smiling and seeking a return smile from Justin.

Brian was amazed as he looked at Justin.

He was shaking uncontrollably and his face was pale and clammy. His eyes looked large in his face and his breath was coming in short bursts.

“Justin are you ok?”

‘Stupid question Kinney, Blind Freddy could see he’s not ok!’

“Justin what’s wrong? Justin?”

Brian hunkered down on the floor next to Justin, taking him but the shoulders and shaking him slightly.

He grasped Justin’s chin firmly in his grasp and forced him to look him in the eye.

“Justin, talk to me.”

This time the commanding voice seemed to pierce the haze of terror surrounding Justin.

He blinked to try to gain focus.

“Sorry, I have trouble in closed spaces.”

“I can see that. The question is, why?”

Justin took a deep breath trying to steady his nerves, “I was bashed in a car park. Ever since then I have been terrified in tight places. I used to get panic attacks. It hasn’t happened for ages though. But this . . .”

He fought to keep from crying and to keep his breath even but the harder he tried the less control he seemed to have, he could feel himself slipping into a full-blown panic attack.

At least he could, right before Brian pressed his lips to Justin’s lips and sucked the lower lip into his mouth, sliding his arms all the way around Justin’s body and lifting him onto his lap.


	13. Justin T, J.P.

Brian continued to kiss Justin as he felt him respond to the kiss, what started out as reassurance and calming, rapidly changed to electric and erotic.

He reluctantly broke the kiss, slightly amused by the crestfallen expression on Justin’s face.

Justin shook himself, trying to gain control of his emotions, “Wh – what did you do that for?”

Brian looked down at the young man bundled in his arms and snuggled into his body as they both sat on the lift floor, “I thought you needed distracting.”

Justin could not resist responding to that challenging smirk, “Didn’t you think about slapping me on the face?”

“Yeah, I did, but my way seemed more fun and much more effective.”

“Funny, it was the one system for distraction, they didn’t mention in all the fucking victim counseling I got after the bashing.”

“Well you know these fucking counselors, no imagination.”

“Bastard!”

“Bitch!”

The two men collapsed in paroxysm of laughter, Justin’s terrified reactions to the confined space of the lift all but forgotten.

 

 

Michael looked at the alcohol he had lined up on the bar and at the young man sitting on the sofa, he shook his cell phone impotently, “Nothing, no reply on this and no reply on the other phone either.”

Ethan looked over indolently at the other obviously upset man, “I tried the number you gave me for Justin’s office and it went straight to voice mail, so I guess they have left.”

Michael resumed his pacing, “And they haven’t stopped off at Woody’s on the way, I rang Emmet who’s there and he said he hadn’t seen them all night.”

“I’m getting really worried, maybe I should start ringing the police or the hospitals.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow at what he considered an almost hysterical reaction to a minor mishap, “I hardly think you need to go to those lengths, it’s still early yet, they might have been delayed by traffic, or had a flat or some other simple explanation. Why don’t we make a start on a few of the cocktail recipes you have in that book and relax a little; then we’ll be able to tell them which ones are the best when they waltz in the door.”

Michael looked dubiously at Ethan, “Do you think we should?”

Ethan rolled his eyes as he regarded the pitiful specimen standing by the bar, ‘Anything to stop your whining!’

“Yeah I really think we should, we aren’t doing any good worrying about them are we?”

Michael reached for the book and the bottles, “No I don’t suppose we are.”

 

Brian made himself more comfortable on the floor of the elevator, he kept Justin on his lap, tacitly refusing to let him move, by keeping his arms wrapped firmly around the younger man.

Justin felt completely at peace and at home for what seemed to be the first time in his life.

He allowed himself to wallow in the luxury of the delightful feeling of nestling into the crook of Brian’s shoulder, feeling his arms around him like a bastion of strength against the rest of the world.

“If it wasn’t for the walls constantly feeling like they were about to close in on me; I’d say I could get used to this! And that I’d like to get used to this.”

 

The last words were said so softly Brian wasn’t even sure he’d actually heard them.

 

“So what are we going to do to while away the hours?” Brian grinned down at the tousled head nestled into his shoulder.

Justin reluctantly pulled himself away from his warm, cosy place and gazed trustingly up into Brian’s face.

“Fuck, Justin, don’t look at me like that!”

Justin looked momentarily confused, “Like what?”

“Like you’re a fucking fawn in a forest and you think I’m about to rescue you from the big bad wolf?”

Justin chuckled quietly, breathing in Brian’s scent as he did so, “Which part worries you most, that I’ve cast you in the part of the rescuer or that I am an innocent, trusting fawn?”

“I’m much more used to being cast as a wolf,” Brian grinned wolfishly down at the adorable, pale face beneath.

Justin lifted up slightly kissing him softly on the inviting lips hovering above, “And which do you prefer to be?”

Brian cocked his head to one side, savoring the brief touch of their lips but feeling very wary.

“You wouldn’t be trying to council me by any chance would you counselor? Only it sounds a lot like it and if I recall one of the characteristics of a good counselor and you are definitely very good,” Justin marveled at the many layers of meaning Brian was able to insert into that tiny word ‘good’, “was that counselors ask questions to encourage their clients to think about their actions, motivations and emotions.”

Brian’s voice was warm and inviting and went directly through Justin’s ear threatening to short circuit his brain on the way to his cock.

Justin grinned back up at Brian, Brian was amazed that the smile seemed to brighten the whole dank, dark lift, “Sorry, I was probably thinking about what you said the other day, and it is a professional hazard; don’t you find yourself making up slogans and ads at the most inappropriate moments?”

Brian managed to look slightly chagrined and alluring at the same time.

Justin sighed, ‘It’s going to be a long hard night!’

“You mean like during something as vitally important to my future and to my prospective husband’s future as our first counseling session?”

This time Justin looked shocked, “You didn’t?”

“Well there was this chain of his and hers beauty shops and you put me in mind of the fact that I had a presentation in two days and I didn’t have a clue, and you were rabitting on about, ugh, ‘the importance of communication in (double ugh), relationships’ so I just zoned out for a while.”

Justin fought back the laughter, “So you weren’t riveted by my fantastically interesting introduction to successful relationships?”

“Nah, sorry Sunshine, I was more interested in the interesting curve of your lips and the way the overhead light brought our silver highlights in your hair and the warm, even tone of your voice.”

Brian dipped his head to lick gently along the outer edge of Justin’s ear.

Justin shivered in response, fighting the almost overwhelming urge to throw his head back and pull Brian into a soul-searing kiss.

Brian heard the gulp as Justin fought to maintain control and smirked to himself, “You ok?”

“Yeah, only I think you might be more of a danger to me, than my claustrophobia in the lift.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“What, you’re gunna play counselor now?”

“Well, maybe not, after all I’ve got my own fucking issues to deal with and you’ve already seen how good I am at dealing with them.”

“I’ve seen and admired a man who is willing to sacrifice his own beliefs for the sake of his partner’s happiness, who says and does things to help those around him even to his own detriment; a caring, incredible man of ultra high morals and principles who works hard to live up to those morals and principles, despite many strong temptations to do the opposite.”

This time Justin did push his head back into the supporting arms surrounding him to look searchingly into Brian’s stunned and for once totally open face.

Brian placed his lips close to Justin’s ear, whispering, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Once more Justin found himself falling under the spell of the multi-hued deep hazel eyes, entranced by the flashes of gold and deep greens he found there.

“What?”

“Issues, Sunshine, you share yours with me and I’ll share mine with you.”

 

 

“But he can’t help it you know, every body wants him, but nobody can have him, nobody but me! Only I don’t have him either, not really. And you know what I think?”

Ethan regarded the figure looking at him through brown owlish eyes, as he slobbered over Ethan’s earth brown, cotton shirt, waving a cocktail glass in the air and slopping blue liquid on Ethan’s blue jeans; he shook his head.

Michael’s voice dropped as he confided intently in his new best friend, “I think even when the ring is on my finger, he still won’t be mine.”

A tear ran down Michael’s cheek, “And do you know why?”

Having learnt early in the evening it was pointless doing anything else other than nod or shake his head at appropriate intervals, as a drunken Michael seemed incapable of listening to anything else except his own voice.

Michael stretched up and then dragged Ethan’s ear close to his mouth, again dropping his voice, “Cause I’m not Brian! I’m not sexy like Brian. I’m not sexy. Do you think I’m sexy?”

Ethan was startled, he was starting to feel the effects of all the alcohol they had consumed.

He didn’t want to offend the man who was about to get him his first paying job in weeks and he was also starting to feel the response in his body, created by the other warm body pressing into him.

He leaned over Michael, “I find you very sexy, you have an innocence about you that is a real turn on.”

Michael looked up into Ethan’s handsome face, taking in the desire that mirrored his own buried in the dark depths.

“You think I’m sexy?” this time the question was asked in husky inviting tones not self-pitying whiny drones.

“I love your mouth,” Ethan kissed Michael on the mouth softly, “your nose”, he kissed the tip of Michael’s nose, “your eyes”, he kissed each eye lid, “and your hair.”

Ethan threaded his fingers into Michael’s hair, pulling Michael in for an intense kiss, leaving Michael shaking and panting with desire.


	14. Justin T, J.P.

Justin settled himself more comfortably in Brian’s lap, trying hard to ignore the gentle tickling feeling in his ear inspired by Brian’s soft breathing, “So what shall we talk about?

“Hey this is your area of expertise, Sunshine, you tell me.”

Brian tipped Justin’s face back, kissing him softly and fleetingly on the lips, then pulling back slightly and raising one eyebrow.

Justin resisted the strong urge to pull Brian into a passionate kiss and instead concentrated on everything he’d learnt during the last few counseling sessions.

He realized that he really had not learned anything much at all, most sessions had been dominated by Michael.

He thought back to the most intense sessions, and the feeling that had come to him when Brian was asked to describe a happy time from his childhood family memories and Brian’s surprising choice to describe an event involving Debbie and Michael.

“Suppose you tell me why you chose to talk about the soccer win involving Deb and Michael instead of using a happy memory involving your immediate family?” 

The words although softly and almost haltingly spoken caused a silence so profound Justin was sure he could hear the creaking of the lift cables.

He felt Brian stiffen in response.

Brian stared hard at the cracked and peeling green paint on the walls of the elevator in front of him.

Justin placed a hand behind Brian’s neck and started to slowly stroke the nape of his neck, seeking to calm and reassure the older man, anxious to feel the tension dissolve beneath his fingertips.

Brian drew in a shuddering breath.

“I don’t talk about it. I don’t even talk about it with Deb and Michael. I used to think if I talked about it, it would make it more real. When,” Brian paused and Justin held his breath, waiting, ”something happened I would just have to get myself to Deb, she would make it better. But we never talked about it.”

Justin pushed himself slightly away gazing intently into Brian’s haunted eyes before kissing him softly on the lips.

He leaned up to his ear, licking and kissing him gently, before whispering, “Maybe it’s time you did.”

“Justin, I don’t even know if I can. I’ve always told myself that I need to put all that behind me. If I forget all about it then it can’t touch me. They can’t touch me ever again.”

Brian’s voice sounded foreign even for him, it was as if the words were being forced out of a complete stranger, thin and strained as if even the attempt to utter them was intense.

Justin knew the effort even that much of an admission cost the proud man that was still cradling him in his arms.

“I’ve never done this before either Brian,” he paused to give Brian half a grin, seeking to lighten the somber mood, “so I suppose you could say we are both virgins.”

Brian buried himself in Justin’s hair struggling to keep his breath even and not implode from the tension.

“If I suspect a history of abuse in the background of any of my clients, I usually refer them on to a trusted colleague. I have never felt as if I am equipped to deal with something as intense as that, even though I attended all the lectures and tutorials on the subject. I never felt comfortable taking it on though. I suppose it was the one area where I really did feel I was too young and too inexperienced.”

“Too inexperienced? I would have thought a bat to the head gave you plenty of experience in abuse.”

“Nah, not really, that was more of a one off. It never impinged on my sense of self like daily, grinding, constant abuse does. Except for the homophobic judge and some of the more hysterical press no one ever suggested it was my own fault. I put up with some bullying at school but again it never had any effect, not even when they burned my locker. I was pissed off, but I never felt diminished by the attacks. I used to have a loving supportive family, who always had my back, even if they did disagree with my 'lifestyle choice'.”

“So you’re telling me that being hit on the head with a bat did not affect you at all?”

Again Justin leaned back in the supporting arms and stared intently at the man above, reminding himself that his question was not meant as an attack but as a genuine inquiry.

“I’d be lying if I said that, it still affects me even now, sometimes it’s like this malaise that just permeates every section of my life, physically, emotionally, mentally, through to my very soul and essence.”

Brian caught his breath at the quiet, forceful, vehemence behind the words.

“So maybe it’s time you talked about it too.”

Justin huffed out a bitter laugh, “Are we back to I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours?”

 

Again the apprehensive silence extended its claws into the small space surrounding them.

“So Mr. Expert how do we go about this? I’m used to physical stripping, in fact I’m very good at it,” Brian leered over Justin as Justin laughed up into his face, he kissed him briefly on the lips, “not this fucking emotional, lay my soul bare shit.”

“Try telling it in the third person, as if it is happening to someone else. You can even use a different name.”

Brian huffed a cynical half laugh.

“Ok I’ll try it. What about naming the person B? Would that work?”

“I’m sure we’ll soon find out. What about starting at the beginning of B’s life?”

“Well that should have been short and sweet, as my er B’s dear old dad never ceased to remind him B should never have been born.”

Justin fought the urge to shout out the denial that threatened to erupt from his lips.

“But my mom was a devout practicing Catholic girl. You know I always wondered about that word, after all the time she spent on her knees and doing good deeds for others you would have thought she’d have got it fucking perfect. Her own son was unfortunately a constant disappointment. He didn’t even want to be a priest when he grew older. She drowned her sorrows in the bottom of a bottle. As dad got worse, she just got more and more distant and cold. If she was made of ice, nothing could touch her either.”

‘God I need a drink, I don’t think I can do this without an alcoholic friend in my hand.’

Justin snuggled in closer, placing his ear closer to Brian’s mouth.

‘Ok, so maybe the warm bundle in my arms can substitute.’

“B’s earliest family memories are of his drunken, loud, angry father reminding his mother that the extra mouth they were feeding wasn’t even supposed to be here. He missed her, no doubt, dry, tart retort but nobody could have missed the sickening sound of flesh thudding against flesh. B got to know that sound very well; that sound and the sight of his mother trying to cover up the dark bruises forming on cheeks or over eyes.”

By now Justin was clinging to Brian, wanting to crawl inside and physically ease the pain weaving its way through every syllable.

Brian was lost in his own world, only the contact of Justin’s fingers, still stroking his neck softly and evenly kept him from stopping altogether.

“B was constantly told he was in the way, he was cocky, he was never wanted, he was ugly, he was scrawny, he was unlovable. It was as if they were ever present, persistent droplets of water, constantly dripping into his brain, constantly eroding his sense of self as a worthwhile human being.”

Justin felt Brian swallow hard as if trying to remove an immense lump from the middle of his throat, fighting to maintain control, to keep the floodgates at least partially closed lest everything was swept away.

This time Justin didn’t hesitate, he reached up and pulled Brian’s head down, kissing him gently on his forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose and lastly and passionately on the lips.

Brian broke the kiss licking his lips, gazing deeply into Justin’s eyes, seeking safety and reassurance and finding it in the intense cobalt blue eyes in front of him.

“B worked hard at not caring. He did so well that not even his father knew he sometimes cried himself to sleep, not because of the harsh blows that were dispensed with frequency and vigor, resulting in late night trips to Deb’s house, where he would crawl in the door, or sometimes limp in the door, often blood trickling or flowing in his wake, wordlessly imploring her to make it all better.”

“Then what did he want?”

Justin’s softly spoken words dropped into the strained silence.

“He just once wanted someone from his own family to give him a kind word, or some acknowledgement of his existence. He never got it.”

Justin reached up and pulled Brian into a tight embrace, feeling the older man convulse, sobbing in his arms.

“You do know you are lovable. It was not your fault that your parents were screwed up. They are responsible for their own actions, not a precious little boy they pushed into the dirt. B never did anything to warrant being beaten and abused, neither did you.”

Brian pushed Justin away slightly, tears still streaming unchecked down both men’s cheeks, Justin kissing and licking at the tears falling from Brian’s eyes.

Brian rested his head gently on Justin’s forehead, his voice only just audible, “I’m not lovable though, even Mikey thinks I’m cold and unfeeling, I can see it in his eyes. Maybe I can’t love either. I used to say love is bullshit, that I preferred fucking. I can’t even say that any more. So what is left? What if there really is no such thing as love?”

Again there was the intense gaze into the deep, ocean-like cobalt blue eyes, this time daring him to contradict his assertion.

“There has to be. I love you.”


	15. Justin T, J.P.

Ethan’s first thought was that there was a vicious gnome beating on his head with a rather large mallet.

His second thought was that whatever his arms were wrapped around was warm, cosy and very inviting.

He slowly started to stroke the man’s chest, lightly running his fingertips along the top of the hairs, and circling his nipples, at the same time dropping light kisses along his shoulder blades.

Michael murmured in his sleep and snuggled in closer to the wonderful sensations and lips that were stimulating his body, almost rousing him from his deep sleep.

His eyes flew open with the sudden realization that this was not Brian that was caressing him.

Brian had never caressed him in this way.

Sure Brian had his own way of letting him know he was horny, but that mainly consisted of letting him feel his rock-hard dick in his ass.

He rolled over and stared into the dark brown almost velvet eyes that seemed to be a mirror of his own.

“I shouldn’t be doing this.” his words were whispered into Ethan’s ear as Ethan started to kiss down his neck onto his shoulders.

“Isn’t that half the fun?”

Ethan continued to lick and kiss back along the top of the shoulder, continuing up to his ear.

“No,” Michael’s confusion and guilt made his voice sound cracked and broken, his reply halting and unsure, “knowing that you want me, that is why I can’t seem to say ‘no’.”

“You sure didn’t say no, last night. Well not the first few times anyway.”

Michael tried not to return the smile, feeling if he answered Ethan’s smile with one of his own it somehow made the betrayal worse.

‘I’m supposed to suffer. Not enjoy the feeling flowing through my body. Certainly not want to return the kisses and stroking and pushing and pumping.’

Ethan’s hand had started to stroke Michael’s dick.

“I should say no.”

Michael’s sentence was punctuated with small kisses he placed on Ethan’s face.

“So why don’t you?”

Ethan was also busy, pumping Michael’s hard-on and fondling his balls.

“Because you make me feel wanted.”

“Doesn’t your fiancée do that too? He’s hot.”

“Not really,” Michael’s voice hitched in his throat as Ethan started to stroke down from his balls to his ass crack, “don’t get me wrong he’s a great lover. Perfect. But maybe that is the problem. He’s just too perfect. When we make love I always feel like he’s doing me a favor. Like he’s bestowing this fantastic gift on me. But it could be anyone. He can do it with anyone.”

Michael’s voice faded to nothing on the last word, as he fought to keep a tear falling.

Ethan looked wonderingly at him, then pulled him into a passionate kiss.

“You are desirable, you do know that don’t you. If your partner doesn’t make you feel that, maybe he is the wrong partner.”

“You don’t know Brian. Everyone wants Brian.”

“So, what? Is he some kind of prize? Is that why you want him?”

“No, I love him. That’s why I want him, that’s why I’ll marry him.”

Ethan pushed himself away a little, still keeping his arms around Michael, wondering why he hadn’t yet left the apartment. What was there about this boyish, naïve man that had kept him in bed in this dangerous position?

“So you’re going to marry a man, who doesn’t appreciate you and your unique abilities and skills. Who doesn’t take the time to tell you he loves you or even make you, his prospective life partner feel sexy and desirable?

I think I’m glad I’m single and in love only with my music.”

Michael froze.

He searched Ethan’s eyes, scanning his face, looking to find some trace that he was joking, or lying.

He saw only a caring, concerned face, staring back at him in sorrow and truth.

“Fuck, what am I doing?”

 

Brian woke to screaming muscles, desperate to move but somehow, inexplicably weighed down and constrained to stay in place.

He slowly forced his eyes open, and then allowed the slight smile on his face to become a grin as he feasted his eyes on the spectacle before him.

Justin was still curled in his lap, snoring softly.

Brian decided to take the time to enjoy the opportunity to examine the beauty that is Justin in detail.

He manfully resisted the urge to touch, forcibly limiting himself to use only his eyes to appraise and examine every feature of the glorious man in his arms.

He figured if he kept his brain busy with details of Justin’s anatomy he might be able to blackout the unwelcome thoughts that kept invading his brain.

‘How could I have spilled my guts like that?’

His eyes were busy looking at Justin’s long slim fingers, an artist’s fingers. He looked at the small delicate knuckles, the smooth, impossibly well-cared for fingernails with the slightest trace of paint beneath them, satiny skin and the almost invisible veins on the back of his hand as it lay curled into his lap.

He became so entranced with just studying Justin’s hand, with its lights and shadows; he failed to notice that Justin had woken up too.

Justin allowed a small smile to hover around his mouth as he quietly waited and watched with fascination as Brian continued to gaze at his hand.

He softly and gently started to stroke the back of Brian’s neck with his other hand, leaning back slowly in Brian’s arms as he took the opportunity to examine Brian’s face.

Time seemed almost suspended.

Each took the chance to gaze, without hindrance at the other, not even realizing that the bond that had been forming between them was being unwittingly reinforced as they did so.

 

The shout from below startled them both out of their respective reveries.

“Is anyone up there? Hello? Rescue is on its way!”

Justin jumped up out if Brian’s lap, thumping on the walls with his fists and hollering at the top of his voice.

Brian stretched his limbs painfully and stood up, then leant against the lift wall.

Justin paused in his frantic efforts to get attention from the people below.

“What are you doing?”

“Watching you.”

“You don’t think maybe you could actually help?” Justin lifted an eyebrow in Brian’s direction.

“You seemed to be making enough noise for the both of us and I didn’t want to spoil your fun.”

Brian tucked his tongue neatly into his cheek, gazing levelly at Justin.

“How can you be so fucking cool?”

“Well I figure either they’ll get the lift started and we’ll be sent safely down to the ground floor. . .” Brian paused maddeningly.

Justin tried to wait him out and then shrugged and whispered, “Or?”

“Or we’ll plunge to our death.”

Brian smirked at Justin, daring him to reply.

This time Justin just threw him a frustrated glare, refusing to take the bait.

“Or some huge, hunky, firey could swoop down through the ceiling and whisk me away somewhere and then make mad passionate love to me all day.”

“Oh please Sunshine, if a huge, hunky, firey came through the ceiling, do you seriously think he’d even notice you with me standing here?”

Again they jumped as a thump was heard directly over their heads and redhead poked through the small hatch.

“You guys ok?” she shouted down.


	16. Justin T, J.P.

“Mikey for the thousandth time. I did not fuck Justin. Shit, when they finally got me out of that fucking lift I couldn’t wait to get home. Now I fucking wish I was still in there.”

Michael raised his tear stained face to look at Brian’s tense one.

“I – I’m sorry,” the words were said between sobs as Michael tried to deal with his guilt the only way he knew how, by whining and trying to deflect attention from his own activities.

“You just looked so different as you came in the door.

You’d been out all night!”

Again the accusing tone began to lace his words.

“For fuck’s sake I was stuck in a fucking elevator, not screwing away my time in Babylon.”

“But you were with him all night!”

The tears were flowing freely down the red cheeks once more, dark brown eyes filling easily.

“He’s not my type. You know I go for tall, dark and experienced, not short, naïve blond twinks.

Now, I am angry, sore and tired, I was stuck on that fucking hard cold floor all fucking night.

I am going to bed. I’ll call the office later and tell Cynthia I’ll come in as soon as I surface. That is, If you don’t have anything more to tell me,” he paused as Michael started to open his mouth, adding, “something I would want to hear.”

Michael shut his mouth.

“Then I am having a shower and sleeping.”

Michael blanched as he thought of the state of the sheets, “Ok Brian, I’m sorry, you go ahead and shower. I’ll go make the bed so it’s all nice and fresh for you. I’m sorry if I sounded like a jealous housewife. I just can’t help it. Just the thought of you spending the night with someone else. . .”

He trailed off as he caught the dangerous gleam in Brian’s eyes.

Brian bit his bottom lip, then turned on his heel, forcing himself to walk to the bathroom and not give in to the temptation to strangle his potential mate.

The minute he heard the bathroom door close, Michael hurried to change the linens on the bed, stopping for a moment to smell the sheets, remembering his wild night with Ethan as he did so.

He threw them into the laundry chute almost reluctantly, and then turned to put fresh sheets onto the bed he shared with Brian.

 

Brian reveled in the feel of the water cascading over his body.

He had the water as hot as he could bear and the steam billowed up around him as the needle points of the water pounded into his body turning it red wherever they hit.

He knew he needed the time to think, he thought back to the strained silence that was between Justin and himself as he drove the young man home, after their rescue.

He thought how he would not have been so angry or upset over Michael’s accusations if he hadn’t wanted them to be true so much.

The one thought he would not let enter his head, and the one thought he could feel clamoring to be let in was that Justin had said that he loved him.

He reached for his soap, vainly trying to push all thoughts about Justin from his mind, groaning softly as he felt his nipples respond to the stimulation, automatically wishing they were Justin’s hands then cursing himself for the thought.

 

‘What the fuck was I thinking?’

Justin asked himself for the hundredth time since he’d stepped into the shower.

He couldn’t decide which appalled him more the fact that he’d told Brian, one of his clients; that he loved him, or the fact that he really did love him.

He groaned, trying to will his tired muscles to relax as he let the water ease the stiffness in his arms and legs.

He grinned as he thought that at least cradled in Brian’s arms he was better off than Brian himself.

He slowly started to absently stroke himself as he thought of Brian, remembering the feel of Brian’s strong arms surrounding him as if to protect him from the harsh world outside. It was like his own personal perfect haven of comfort and peace.

“Except he is not mine. He is with Michael. He is marrying Michael. He loves Michael. Sure he wants to fuck me, I’d have to totally unfeeling, blind and stupid not to know that and maybe he does think of me as more than just a quick screw, but that doesn’t change the situation.”

He had stopped stroking himself and was vigorously rubbing his skin with the soap, almost as if he were punishing himself for his thoughts about Brian, his pale skin soon becoming streaked with angry, red welts.

Unbidden his mind went back to the time in the elevator, he thought back to how privileged and honored he felt when Brian finally unburdened himself to him.

He smiled softly to himself as he recalled how Brian also agreed to see one of Justin’s lecturers and friends who specialized in counseling abused children and adults.

He thought Brian may have met his match in her as she was forthright and honest on all her dealings with both adults and children.

She never allowed her clients to refer to themselves as victims, she would tell them that the fact that they were in one piece and sitting in her office meant that they were no longer with the abuser, so they were no longer victims unless they chose to take that path.

She would then go on to tell them that if they chose that path then their abuser had won.

Justin was sure that if the client did choose that path they would no longer be a client.

Amanda never suffered fools gladly, but she was nevertheless one of the most successful counselors Justin knew.

This was usually enough for the clients to feel both challenged and strangely empowered at the same time.

Justin wished he could be a ‘fly on the wall’ during the first session.

He was sure that the sparks would fly as she would definitely call Brian on any bullshit he came up with and she was one of the few people, Justin knew, who could match Brian’s level of intelligence, so he would not be able to outsmart her and sidetrack her as he did so often with everyone else.

Justin smiled ruefully, 'including me.'

He thought back to all the times Brian had managed to derail any deep probing of his emotions.

He found himself wondering if the amount of casual sex Brian engaged in was really just a physical expression of the walls he put up emotionally. 

 

Brian stifled the moan, and the fact that Justin’s name was on his lips as he came in the shower.

He dried himself off and tied the towel loosely around his waist.

He snaked his arm around Michael’s waist as he went past the shorter man, he almost didn’t notice the infinitesimal flinch that Michael made, and when he did register the fact put it down to Michael’s jealousy.

He pulled them both back onto the bed, grinning down at Michael.

‘I am not thinking of a blond, I am not thinking of a blond.’

Michael started to eagerly kiss his way down Brian’s body.

Brian was starting to become annoyed at his uncooperative brain that kept trying to intrude the image and feel of Justin from the night before over the reality of the man currently in his arms.

At last Brian reluctantly lifted Michael back level with this face.

He smiled almost apologetically into the brown eyes staring down into his submissively and inquiringly. Brian Kinney did not do apologies, even with his eyes or smile.

“I’m tired Mikey.”

He pushed Michael from him and turned over.

Michael looked at him in confusion and frustration, ‘Did Brian Kinney just refuse to have sex with him? Since when did his Brian ever refuse sex? Maybe something really did happen in that elevator.’


	17. Justin T, J.P.

“Gentlemen, this is our last time together. The next time we see each other will be at the ceremony. So we really have to make the most of this session.”

Justin struggled to keep his voice even and professional.

He felt rather than noticed the fact that the two men’s minds were elsewhere.

He sighed softly.

 

Brian thought back to his last session with his therapist, Amanda.

He wondered if she had said anything to Justin about him storming out of her office and his advice to her to do some anatomically impossible things concerning her ass.

He tried to keep his mind on the things Justin was saying but he kept coming back to her final statements.

“You have done a lot of work Brian, you have been open and honest about your past despite the difficulties this raised for you.”

Brian had raised his eyebrows at the word ‘dificult’ as he recalled the tears pouring down his cheeks and the painful wrenching he’d felt in his heart as he’d finally recounted many of the horrendous things he could remember that happened to his body, soul and mind as a result of his parents' ‘loving care’.

“And I think you’ve almost got past the barrier of blaming yourself for the treatment and manipulating people into the position of holding you as a person who deserves their contempt.”

Her gimlet-like pale blue eyes seemed to pin him to the chair like a specimen to a display board.

“And this is all to the good. But and it is a big but. You are still not being emotionally honest with yourself. You still refuse to trust your emotions. You still seem to think there is some kind of contest between your emotions and logic instead of heart and brain working together, you act as if there should always be conflict. This coming marriage with your partner is a perfect illustration of this. Your stated reasons are bullshit for something so important in your life, you won’t even admit the real reasons to yourself.”

That was when the shit hit the proverbial fan and the insults flew effortlessly from Brian’s mouth as he slammed up all his old barriers and fled the office.

 

Michael was remembering the phone call he’d had that morning while Brian was at work.

“I have to see you.”

“Is this Ethan?”

“Who else sounds so sexy on the phone?” the burble of barely repressed laughter flowed through the phone lines.

Michael found himself responding with a smile despite himself, picturing the dark laughing eyes.

“You can’t ring me here. Brian might come home any minute.”

Michael felt a thrill run through him at the thought.

“Isn’t that part of the attraction? The fact that any minute we might get caught.”

“I can’t.”

Ethan could near the doubt and confusion lacing the two small words.

He lowered his voice, deliberately infusing it with as much eroticism and sexual innuendo as he could, “But you’d like to. You can already feel your cock twitching, pushing against the zipper of your jeans. Wanting me to hold it, feel it, stroke it, suck it.”

Michael’s voice was halting, “I’m. . . not. . . wearing . . . jeans.”

“So what are you wearing?”

“A-a towel.”

Michael smiled as he heard the swift intake of breath on the other end of the line.

“Fuck! Now I’ve got a matching stiff cock!”

“I want you.”

“I know.”

“Where are you?”

“Right outside your door.”

“Fuck” the whisper echoed through the loft as Michael padded over to the door.

As he threw the door open, Ethan enveloped him, kissing him roughly and with urgency, throwing the door shut behind him as he did so. 

 

Justin tapped his pen onto the clipboard in front of him as he tried to get the two men’s wavering attention.

No response, both men seemed to be lost in a world or their own, although judging by the look on their faces Michael’s daydream was far more pleasant than Brian’s.

‘He’s probably thinking of the honeymoon,’ Justin thought resentfully, ‘shit, where did that thought come from? I want them to be happy. I do.’

He looked at the two men still lost in their own thoughts and sighed again, ‘I just don’t think it has a snowball’s chance in hell of happening.’

He cleared his throat and raised his voice slightly, repeating his opening sentence.

“So now we are going to review all the work we have done. The last thing we do is often the basis for people’s declaration to each other as part of their vows. You state what you expect of your future together and the reasons why you chose each other.”

Brian and Michael blinked, Brian focusing on Justin’s lips as he spoke and the way he tugged and played with the clipboard balanced precariously on his knees.

The rest of the hours flew by until they finally got to the last section of the session.

“So Brian, in the light of all we have just spoken about,” Justin added silently to himself, ‘or in your case not said.’

“What are the reasons you want to marry Michael? What characteristics does he have that you love and can’t live without?”

Brian brought all his attention onto Justin, “I love his loyalty, honesty, sweetness and kindness. I love the way he puts up with all my bullshit and doesn’t try to change me.”

Justin felt his private world collapse but carefully schooled his face so no hint of his inner turmoil showed after hearing that declaration.

He coughed and cleared his throat.

“Michael?”

“I love his strength, his no nonsense approach to people, life and things. I love the way he never changes; he is always reliable. I love how sexy he is how everyone wants him all the time, but he belongs to me. I love the way he fucks me then holds me. I love him.”

The last few words were whispered as visions of tousled dark hair and darker bedroom eyes seemed to mock him.

 

Justin eyed the two men, one looking directly into Justin’s eyes, the other looking off into the distance.

“Well then, I think our work here is complete. I’ll see you both at the ceremony at the loft, next week.”


	18. Justin T, J.P.

Brian was smiling to himself as he slammed the gate of the lift shut, carefully clutching his prize.

He was already anticipating the look of joy on Michael’s face when he saw it.

He also knew that he was gonna get a great fuck out of it, maybe it was the coming wedding, Brian unconsciously winced a little at the thought, but he was sure that Michael seemed a little distracted lately even when they were screwing.

‘Nah, no fucking way, it’s just he’s nervous about the wedding. I’ve heard all about wedding jitters from Deb and Vic, not that those two would be experts.’ He snorted softly.

He grinned when he looked at the mint condition, origina,l first edition Captain Astro he was holding, glad he’d decided to leave work early and pay a surprise visit to Michael.

Brian stared at the door for a minute, thinking how he’d ream Michael out after he’d fucked him for leaving it open and unlocked.

He knew this was the only way he’d get those cerulean blue eyes out of his brain and the body he needed and wanted could easily be replaced by the one he could have, even if the last few dozen tricks hadn’t managed to, ‘The calibre of the tricks he’d chosen lately, certainly had been lacking of late.’

The idle thought flitted through his head as he pushed open the heavy lift door, pleased that he’d oiled it, so it no longer gave that unearthly squeal which never failed to alert Mikey to his entrance.

Brian slid the door shut and reset the alarm, determined not to be interrupted, ‘Not even by fucking Deb, if she calls one more time about some change in the wedding arrangements, this wedding will turn into someone’s fucking funeral!’

He frowned at the pile of clothes on the floor, “Now, I’m really gonna ream his ass, after I’ve fucked it!”

The murmur was barely audible as he threw Michael’s carelessly strewn clothes into the laundry hamper nearby.

His grin increased a little as the noises coming from the bedroom finally imposed themselves into his brain, “He’s watching porn again, couldn’t wait for me to get home, little slut!”

He was about to yell at Michael to wait for him, and how naughty he was to start without him and how he’d have to be punished, as visions of the velvet lined handcuffs ran through his brain directly to his cock.

He heard the hitch in breathing that always told him Mikey was close.

He waited for the breathless “Brian!” that always accompanied it.

“Oh fuck, Ethan!”

Brian stopped mid-stride as he was about to mount the stairs, his customary energy and verve frozen in time.

“Michael!”

The answer was filled with passion.

It was obvious that both lovers had reached the point of no return.

Brian remained frozen as the unseen couple reached their climaxes, complete with inarticulate moans and groans.

The sense of betrayal ran through his veins like a poison.

He felt almost divorced from the scene, hovering above himself nad watching his reactions.

He knew he would never play the betrayed lover, even if it killed him.

He contemplated leaving silently for a split second, after all maybe Michael was just doing a Brian, picking up some meaningless trick, like the fucking fiddler for Christ’s sake, fucking him and sending him on his way.

He would have to be the world’s biggest hypocrite to think like there was something wrong with that.

‘Although Mikey is different, he is the one who is always rubbing my nose in the fact, ever so subtly that he never tricks. That he is always faithful. Whatever the fuck that means. Always reminds me of a fucking dog. This is my bitch and I’m faithful!’

He almost laughed out loud but then he would have missed the soft, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” that came haltingly from Michael’s mouth and the sound of him being thoroughly kissed in return.

‘Fuck, if this was one of Ted’s operas, I’d be bursting in there with a sword or a gun! All I feel is fucking tired. I want this scene to be over, now!’

Brian took the three steps into the bedroom in one stride, bursting in on the two lovers, sated and wrapped around each other.

The two men on the bed look up at him in astonishment.

Their mouths were opening and closing but no sound was emerging.

Brian raked his eyes over both bodies, his eyebrow raised in a close approximation of his usual sardonic, amused attitude.

However anyone who knew him would see the strain around the mouth and the eyes, the rigidly held stance as he strained to maintain his position.

“Well,” he paused for a moment, deliberately heightening the silence and drama of the moment, “When I said that you would be welcome to cum into my home this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, Ian.”

Michael was doing an impressive impression of a deer caught in the headlights as Brian nonchalantly slipped out of is clothes and sauntered to the bathroom.

As soon as the door closed Michael pushed Ethan out of bed.

“You have to go! Now!”

“Why, he seemed cool with it. You just need to talk to him. Tell him we love each other and that the wedding is off.”

Ethan looked at Michael’s panic-stricken face.

“You are going to tell him, aren’t you?”

The silence that greeted this almost entreaty, more than answered the question.

Ethan sighed, “You are really fucked up, you know that don’t you Mikey?”

“Don’t call me that!” the half coked sob tore its way from Michael’s mouth before he even knew it was out.

He was busily putting on a tee and jeans he’d grabbed without thought from the cupboard, anxious to put some kind of physical barrier between himself and the man who could seem to make him do things he would never dream of doing.

Ethan watched, almost dispassionately as Michael struggled to do up the buttons on the jeans, finding the task nearly impossible as he struggled to maintain a hold on his life, feeling it racing away from him like a runaway train, totally beyond his control.

“So, what? You gunna try and pretend we never happened? Like we never kissed, we never fucked,” Michael looked like he’d been slapped and the tears he’d been fighting off started to brim over like a dam that had been filled to overflowing, “we never whispered ‘I love you’ to each other?”

Brian turned the shower up as strong and as hot as he could get it, drowning out the murmur of voices coming through the door.

He’d already turned the lock on the door, effectively shutting the sights out, wishing he could shut his thoughts out as efficiently.

“God I need a drink!”

“No fuck it, I need a fucking trick!”

‘I need Justin.’ 

The thought was not even allowed to near the surface, but it was present nevertheless.

He finished his ablutions completely on automatic, fighting the urge to curl up in the corner of the shower and cry like a baby, with every fiber of his being.


	19. Justin T, J.P.

Brian did not even spare a look at the figure huddled by the door, sobbing, as he donned his favourite ‘come fuck me’ outfit.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything. Yell at me, cry, break something, do something, anything!” 

Brian stared stonily at the wall beside Michael.

Trying hard to ignore the hiccupping cries as he would an annoying insect, except this wasn’t an insect this was a distraught Mikey, his former best friend and lover.

“I think you are doing that enough for the both of us.”

The cold words seemed to fall with a clatter onto the floorboards beneath his bare feet.

“I’m sorry, Brian I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“From what I just saw I think it was Ewan that ‘came’ over you.”

Again the words fell from his mouth like cold, hard pebbles.

“I was confused and scared.”

“You missed out the ‘in love’ bit Mikey. I heard that too.”

Michael tried to gulp in some air but his throat seemed to have closed over. His finger scrabbled frantically at the floorboards as if seeking some kind of exit.

“It just came out. I don’t think. . .”

His voice trailed off as he realized what he was about to say.

He stared helplessly at Brian’s feet.

“You don’t think you love him,” Brian flung the word think out of his mouth like a weapon, feeling a fleeting sense of satisfaction as he saw Michael wince.

“So you’re not sure.”

Michael shook his head wordlessly, tears flowing down his cheeks, unheeded.

“Well you better get sure. Owen won’t wait forever.”

Again Michael flinched as if physically assaulted, “I never meant to hurt you. It started off as a harmless fling. I thought you were fucking Justin. You were supposed to be giving a presentation. You weren’t supposed to be home till 9!”

The last words were shouted in accusation.

Brian grabbed his shoes and socks, turning to push past Michael still huddled by the doorway, “Sorry to have disappointed you.”

This time the words were said softly, almost lovingly.

Michael’s crying became louder.

“Sorry’s bullshit,” he sobbed.

“Yeah!”

 

 

Justin rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He’d had trouble sleeping lately and was feeling a bit annoyed at whoever was thumping so insistently at his door.

“All right, I’m coming! Shut the fuck up. You’ll wake the neighbours!”

‘And everybody in the entire city of Pittsburgh and surrounding districts,’ he thought angrily to himself.

He flung open the door, astonished to see Brian leaning unsteadily in the doorway, blinking blearily into his face.

Justin stepped back, then moved forward quickly to steady Brian.

He had never seen Brian like this before. The word mess came to mind but was dismissed as understatement of the century.

Brian’s Hugo Boss jacket was gone, his shirt was partially fastened but incorrectly with the wrong buttons in the wrong buttonholes.

His pants were unfastened and his shirt was partially tucked in and partially hanging out.

However it was Brian’s face that drew the most surprise, Justin had never seen him looking so lost and defeated, not even when they were stuck in the elevator.

Brian tried to straighten himself up, failing dismally as he nearly fell over in the effort.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

The words were slowly and carefully articulated as drunks do when they don’t want to be busted for being drunk.

“You’ve been drinking.”

The words were flat and emotionless, even though Justin could feel his heart start to race at the sight of Brian in such a condition.

“Fuck yeah Sunshine, you gunna give me a lecture on the evils of the demon drink?”

Justin said nothing, knowing that whatever he said would only provoke the man in front of him.

He wordlessly reached under Brian’s arms and drew him into his apartment, helping him onto the sofa.

“Cat got your tongue? Ah but it is such a talented tongue, the things you can do with that tongue.”

Brian reached up to pull Justin down onto his mouth but the gesture lacked his customary grace and accuracy and his arms closed on empty air as Justin ducked out of the way.

“You are drunk.”

Again a statement, not an accusation.

“Yup, I been drinking and tricking and dropping E’s like there is no tomorrow.”

Justin took a step back.

“Ah don’t look so sad. You know me. You all know me.”

Brian stood up and swept his arms around the room in a grand gesture, again Justin ducked out of the way letting Brian fall back onto the couch of his own volition.

“Turns out it’s Mikey we don’t know. Sweet little, innocent Mikey. Fucking faithful Mikey, the love of my fucking life!”

Justin let the yelling and cursing wash over him without touching him. 

He studied the wreck of the man in front of him, knowing something cataclysmic had happened but unable to work out what.

“You need to sleep Brian.”

“Yeah to sleep perchance to dream,” again Brian swept his arms wide, “dream of blue eyes laughing, not brown eyes fucking.”

His words were becoming softer, more like a sad kind of croon, as he placed his head with exaggerated care onto the cushion beneath him.

Justin could not resist the urge to stroke Brian’s head feeling the soft auburn hair beneath his fingers, barely resisting the urge to kiss the lips betraying the hurt and sorrow of the man lying in front of him.

He pulled Brian’s shoes and socks off, grabbing a blanket from the back of the sofa, gasping in surprise as Brian pulled him into his arms with a vice like grip, urgent and desperate.

He gazed into Brian’s eyes again amazed at the strength and urgency of his grasp.

“Am I loveable?”

Brian’s voice was whispered into Justin’s ear as if he were revealing a dirty little secret.

Justin looked at the beautiful, ravaged face in front of him, “Of course you are loveable.” Just stopping himself in time from admitting that he loved him.

“No one loves me.”

Justin felt the tears dripping onto his cheek flowing from Brian’s eyes and fought off the urge to join in the tears.

“Sleep, everything will be better after you sleep.”

“Promise?” this time Brian sounded like a little boy asking for reassurance against the monsters in the dark.

Justin kissed his forehead, gently loosening the grip Brian had on him, “I promise.” 

The sincere, solemn voice seemed to reassure Brian and he fell immediately into a deep sleep.

Justin knew he would not sleep for the rest of the night, what little there was of it.

He sighed as he padded quietly over to his easel to collect his pencil and pad sitting on a chair nearby to Brian and watching over him, sketching, putting his passion and love into his art, trying to ease his own distress with each stroke of the pencil on the paper.


	20. Justin T, J.P.

Brian awoke with a groan. 

He rolled over on the couch and nearly fell off.

He reached out and steadied himself with one arm.

Brian had to force his eyes to stay open; he’d had hangovers before but nothing like this.

Calling this a hangover was like calling a hurricane a mild breeze; this was the mother of all hangovers.

The pain in his head and nausea in his stomach nearly combined to make him forget the details of the previous night, nearly but not quite.

His eyes rolled in his head and the pain suddenly went way past the point of bearable; he raced for the bathroom and threw himself over the toilet bowl, even when he had completely emptied the contents of his stomach his heaving refused to abate.

He almost didn’t hear the soft knock on the door.

“Brian, Brian are you ok?”

The minute the words left his mouth Justin felt like kicking himself, ‘of course he’s not ok, fuckwit! He’s busy decorating the inside of my toilet bowl and feeling like shit!’

“Mmmph!”

Brian was incapable of speech for what seemed like the first time in his life.

This pain was beyond endurance and he wasn’t sure whether the pain in his skull was worse than the pain in his heart and gut or vice versa.

He grimaced as he pushed himself away from the bowl, squeezing his eyes shut, ‘I’m not gonna give up. I’m not gonna fucking give up. I survived Jack and my darling mother Joan. I survived being a fag at fucking high school. I survived fucking counseling. I’m fucking Brian Kinney for Christ’s sake! I can survive this. Fuck marriage! Fuck relationships, I knew I hated that fucking word for a reason. Fuck love and fuck Michael fucking Novotney!’

Brian felt the rage race through his blood.

‘Ah there’s that wonderful Kinney feeling, when all turns to shit, we turn to rage.’

Brian forced himself to his feet, feeling like he was a puppet master manipulating a stiff and uncooperative puppet.

Each move seemed to emphasize the pain in his head, but he steadfastly refused to acknowledge it.

He leaned on Justin’s vanity and glared at himself in the mirror.

“Fuck, look at you Kinney! You look like a fucking pussy! Pull yourself together.”

Brian’s image looked back at him, mocking his plight.

His hair hung dankly over his eyes, his eyes were red-rimmed and sagging, and without bothering to check he knew his breath would be rank.

He grabbed Justin’s toothbrush without a second thought and squeezed the toothpaste onto it with exaggerated care.

“Well it’s as good a place to start as any,” Brian fought back the heaves that threatened to resume as he watched the foam form around his lips.

He finally finished, drew in a deep breath and approached the door, fighting the trepidation and reluctance to open it.

He grasped the door handle, feeling ultra sensitive to the smooth, hard, cold texture, ‘just how I want to be’.

Justin was busy in the kitchen, the sound of Brian vomiting in the bathroom had elicited a sympathetic reaction in Justin and he really did not want to join Brian at the toilet bowl so he had busied himself making coffee.

As he watched Brian emerge from the bathroom, he resisted the urge to fly to his side.

He felt his heart lurch as he watched Brian painfully straighten himself up, looking as though at any minute he would retreat back into the bathroom.

‘Fuck I never believed hangovers could make you so sick, but he is living proof! He looks a shade of green I don’t think I could match on my paint pallette!’

“Hey Brian,” Justin deliberately kept his voice soft and low, “do you want some coffee, I just made it?”

Brian focused his hazel eyes on the blue ones clouded with concern.

He tried to dredge up his usual self-deprecating, cocky grin ending up with a cross between a grimace and a half smile.

“I’d rather have a shower, if that’s ok?”

“Yeah sure. Er Brian, do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what Sunshine?” Brian’s eyes were more like hard, multi-faceted jewels as he tried to warn Justin off the topic.

Justin took in the tightened stance and strained face, Brian looked like he was just holding together and might fly apart at any second.

“Nothing, there’s towels in the cupboard under the vanity and there’s a robe behind the door if you want it.”

Brian nodded, then winced as the sudden movement started up the jackhammers in his skull all over again.

“Thanks.”

Justin sat at the breakfast bar.

He looked thoughtfully at his cell phone and then pushed the buttons he knew by heart.

“Hello, Michael? Michael? What the fuck is wrong?” 

Justin was more confused than ever, he couldn’t get any sense at all from the person sobbing hysterically on the other end of the line.

 

Brian finally emerged from the shower. He had the worst of the nausea under control, but couldn’t seem to control the pain in his head or the pain in his thoughts and emotions. So once more he followed the Kinney tradition and chose to ignore it with as much concentration and force as he could muster.

He looked in the mirror, “I’d fuck you now!”

The cocky grin was starting to reassert itself as he strode purposefully out the bathroom door, throwing on the robe thoughtlessly as he did so, straight to Justin, swept him off his feet and planted a passionate kiss smack on the lips of the astounded young man.

For a moment Justin could do nothing but give in to the urge to respond to the kiss with his entire being, reveling in the soft, firmness of the kiss, the way his knees suddenly no longer wanted to hold him upright and the way their tongues seemed to be dancing in each other’s mouth.

As Brian sought to deepen the kiss the rational part of Justin’s brain, won out and he reluctantly pushed Brian away slightly, still keeping his hands on Brian’s shoulders, he watched as Brian drew his lips in and rolled them out in the almost childlike way Justin had come to know and love.

“Brian, we’ve been through this before. You know we can’t do this.”

Brian raised one eyebrow sardonically, feeling the grin stretch its way across his lips but not feeling at all amused.

“And why not Sunshine?”

Justin had felt Brian stiffen in his arms and was even more confused by this strange attitude.

He knew something was terribly wrong. It was desperation he’d felt in the kiss and desperation he could still see in every line of Brian’s body and eyes.

The desperation he knew Brian was fighting hard to conceal was obvious to anyone who knew and cared about Brian.

What he couldn’t work out was what was causing this reaction in Brian.

He knew deep down that this wasn’t just normal wedding jitters.

He also knew there was no way Brian would tell him in his current mood.

He tried to lighten the mood with a joke.

“Well Michael might have something to say about his prospective spouse fucking their marriage celebrant!”

The laughter died even before it was born as he watched all emotion and colour drain from Brian’s face, he almost crumpled before Justin.

“God Brian what is it? What the fuck happened.”

“I got fucked, really and truly fucked!”

The words were whispered but full of emotion.

Justin drew Brian into his arms, kissing him softly on the eyelids that were obviously fighting back tears.

He said the only thing he could think of to say, despite his confusion, “It will be ok. We will make it ok?”

Brian’s bitter laughter rang through the small apartment.

“And how the fuck are ‘WE’ gonna do that Sunshine?”

He looked down at the paisley robe he had on, “What the fuck?”

Justin looked sheepishly at the almost apoplectic Brian in front of him, taking a step back, “Sorry, it’s Daph’s, she sometimes sleeps over.”

“Well I’m not going in to the office looking like this!”

He dramatically waved his arms over the silky robe.

Justin resisted the urge to giggle and tell him he looked cute, knowing that if he did he would be dead or worse than dead.

“So maybe you should go home and get changed.”

Again there was that lightning change in Brian’s bearing and Justin’s heart sank as he watched the man all but disintegrate in front of him.

Whatever was wrong, Justin knew that Brian was not going to be able to go back to the loft.

He sighed, “Or I could go and get some clothes for you.”

‘And talk to Michael and find out what the fuck is going on at the same time.’

Brian could not prevent the swift look of relief and gratitude as he heard those words and Justin had to fight hard not to take the man back into his arms as he saw Brian biting his bottom lip in worry.

He carefully as if he was approaching a scared puppy, reached up and stroked Brian lightly on the cheek; stretching up and placing a light kiss on the lips.

“I’ll be back soon.”

 

Brian was busy hunting through Justin’s cupboards, cursing him for his lack of anything worth drinking but beer in the fridge when he heard the merciless pounding.

He moved swiftly to the door.

It was almost wrenched from its hinges as a whirlwind flew past him pushing him into the wall as it passed.

Debbie turned her full fury onto Brian, “What the fuck have you done to my son, you bastard!”

Brian looked at her in stunned silence.

“I’ve just come from the fucking loft. All he does is sob into his pillow. I can’t make out a word he says at all except for your fucking name.”

She looked at the paisley robe Brian was wearing and her jaw dropped, before Brian had a chance to explain, her brow looked like a thundercloud.

She drew her fist back and King Hit Brian, the blow landing right on the point of his chin.

Blackness fell even before he hit the floor.


	21. Justin T, J.P.

Justin reentered his apartment just in time to see Deb exiting it.

“Asshole!” she snapped at Justin.

“Deb! Wait! Do you know what happened?”

“I know enough to know that asshole did something to upset my son! I shouldn’t have ht him though. So sorry about that.”

She managed to utter the words without appearing sorry at all.

Deb glanced back into the room where Brian was busy applying the ice on his nice new black eye.

She was about to sail off, when Justin grabbed her by the arm, looking into her eyes with all the seriousness he could muster.

“Deb, you need to go talk to Michael. He’s back at the loft.”

“I know, I’m just about to go back there, I came around here to get you and you were gone, but asshole here,” she glowered threateningly at an oblivious Brian, “was sashaying around in a fucking bathrobe! How could you do that Justin?”

The last question was uttered in an agonized whisper.

Realization dawned on Justin like truck tearing through an intersection, “What!? You think? WE! NO Deb! No way, how could you even think such a thing?”

Justin deliberately avoided the ironic grimace that Brian was leveling at him as he blustered his denial.

Debbie stopped mid-stride taking in the bundle of clothing in Justin’s arm, watching him with confusion as he placed them down on the sofa and then tenderly inspected Brian’s eye.

She wanted to believe the best of Justin, she had never had reason to doubt him before but thought the evidence was pretty clear and Brian hadn’t even tried to deny it, not that she’d given him much of a chance.

“What should I think? Tell me Sunshine, what the fuck is going on?”

Justin was standing beside Brian, his arm around his shoulder, trying to convey strength and support to the almost broken man by his side.

Again he leveled his gaze directly at Deb, no trace of levity in his tone, “You need to talk to Michael, Deb.”

“And how the fuck am I supposed to do that? All he seems to be able to do is fucking cry! Shouldn’t I be able to get that information from his future husband?”

This time the question was not whispered but came boiling from Debbie’s mouth and she looked almost like she might mount a second attack.

Justin was strongly reminded of a mother tiger protecting her cub even when she wasn’t sure what the actual danger was or what direction it was coming from.

Justin looked pityingly at her confused face, strengthening his hold on Brian’s shoulder as he knew the next words would hurt.

“Well, he stopped crying while I was there.”

He stopped hoping that Deb would understand that he did not want to elaborate in front of Brian.

Debbie turned around in the doorway, “Good, so now you can tell me what the fuck is the matter with my son.”

Her tone brooked no opposition and Justin took a deep breath, “No Deb, I can’t, that information is for Michael to tell you.”

He felt his hands clench in anger as he recalled the tear-filled confession from Michael as Ethan held his shaking form and how he had resisted the urge to purchase a baseball bat and deal out some rough justice of his own.

Brian felt Justin’s arm stiffen, he knew Justin was trying to protect him and surprised himself by feeling oddly grateful.

He leaned back into Justin’s arms, turning the gesture into more of an embrace, Deb’s eyes widened as she thought he was confirming her early suspicions.

“Don’t hide the truth on my account Sunshine, tell Deb all about it.”

Justin heard the raw pain beneath the bravado and decided he’d had enough.

He walked purposefully over to the door, gently pushing Deb outside.

Deb resisted for a moment, looking confusedly into Justin’s eyes and seeking clues to his current inexplicable behaviour.

“No, I meant what I said, Michael needs to tell you his truth. Now go back to the loft Deb and talk to your son.”

Justin lowered his voice anxious for Brian, “He’s there with a guy called Ethan, you need to talk to them.”

Deb threw a confused glance at the curled up body on the sofa, almost looking like she wanted to come back inside, but Justin stood obdurately in her way, immovable and unreadable.

“Ok Sunshine, you know I trust you.”

Neither Justin nor Brian could miss the hidden threat in her voice or the emphasis on the word 'you' as she moved toward the lift down the hall.

Justin went back to Brian quietly. He opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak Brian interrupted. His voice sounding strange even to himself.

“Before you say anything, don’t.”

Brian strode to into the kitchen anger permeating every line.

He threw the ice pack into the sink, figuring the tightness and pain that heralded the arrival of a black eye, the feeling he knew so well, was not as bad as the pain everywhere else, in a way it was almost comfortingly familiar.

Justin stood still, totally at a loss as to how to approach Brian.

He just watched helplessly as Brian swept back into the bedroom with his clothes over his arm, stripping the robe off as he moved.

Justin could not help but admire the lithe body with one part of his mind even while the rest was trying desperately to grapple with the situation.

‘Shit he reminds me of a caged panther, prowling around the cage, all the pent up rage and energy just waiting for a door to open.’

He continued to watch in silence as Brian rapidly dressed himself, each action seemed to be carefully completed as if to contain the pent up rage by performing an everyday action.

Justin felt the tension and silence become unbearable, “Brian, I don’t think . . .”

Brian broke in cutting Justin off unmercifully, “No, and you really shouldn’t think Sunshine. This is my mess to clear up, not yours.”

He tried to soften his voice as he looked at the miserable young man in front of him.

Justin straightened up, Brian’s rage starting to spark an answering flame in him, “ No that is where you are wrong. This mess, as you call it belongs to all of us. We made it together and we have to solve it together.”

“What? With more fucking 'analysis' or 'counseling'.” Brian made the two words sound like curses as he spewed them from his mouth intent on hurting Justin as much as he was hurting.

“Cause they did so much good, so much fucking good. You know I was nearly convinced that I was somebody. Not just Brian Kinney, fucking machine and Stud of Babylon, not just the asshole everybody loved to hate, but me a person, maybe even a person someone could possibly grow to like or even love.”

Justin bit his lip, trying not to cry as Brian desperately tried to rebuild the walls to shut him out.

“But fuck, Justin, are you listening Sunshine?” again Brian used the words like weapons sneering the word Sunshine, contempt dripping from every syllable, taking perverse enjoyment from watching Justin cringe before the onslaught.

“Even Debbie, the only person who ever showed me that fucking load of horse shit you ‘counselors’ call unconditional love hates me now. She fucking hit me and has joined the illustrious ranks of my other so called parents in so doing. So where does that leave me, eh Sunshine? Where the fuck does that leave me?”

The anger seemed to suddenly disappear as quickly as it came and Justin was again watching a man struggling just to hold himself together.

Justin looked up into the hazel eyes in front of him, tears brimming just beneath the eyelids and face contorted into a parody of the painting ‘The Scream’.

He was unable to stop his own tears streaming just as he was unable to stop himself moving over to the other man and gently placing his hand against his cheek.

He reached up slowly, placing his other hand behind the stiff, unbending neck unsure if his response would bring about another onslaught but driven by the need to bring comfort.

Stretching up onto his toes he placed a whisper soft kiss onto the trembling lips, “With me.”

Brian looked down into the eyes brimming with tears and love and felt the walls he’d desperately tried to rebuild, fuelled by the fear and anger he’d felt, collapse like a house of cards.

There was no way to answer the honesty and openness of Justin’s gaze and gentle touch but with honesty and openness of his own.

Brian felt as though he were standing at the edge of a precipice, he could choose the ‘safe’ way he’d always used and push the younger man away, ‘Hell I’ve had so much practice at pushing people away I could be an Olympic Champion at the sport.’

Or he could choose to jump over the edge into the unkown, trust someone else to catch him if he fell, ‘Shit now I know how a trapeze artist feels just before they jump. Well you’d better be good at catching Sunshine, ‘cos if I fall this time there won’t be anything left to put together. Fuck Kinney! Stop being a coward and fucking jump already!’

“Brian?” the words dropped tremulously from Justin’s lips. He watched as the older man seemed to struggle with himself and was amazed as he saw a crooked smile slowly form on Brian’s lips and felt himself drawn into a loving embrace.

Their lips seemed to find each other without conscious thought, each telling the other without words how much they were feeling.

Justin broke away panting, still clinging to Brian as if drowning, “You know?”

Brian stopped him with another soul searing kiss before replying, “Yeah, I know it won’t be easy. I won’t be easy. But I am willing to try.”

“Then fuck it, let’s go for it!”

Justin’s smile lit the room and Brian was sure it must be beaming out from the windows of the small apartment rivaling the sun with its brightness.

This time there was no stopping the kisses, touches, tastes that each man lavished on the other.

The physical expression of their love was just that a physical expression of their hearts, minds and bodies melding together to become one entity and yet two separate loving individuals.

Brian kept marveling at the feeling of Justin beneath his lips and fingertips.

Justin responded with ardour and passion that matched his own.

Both knew that there would be no going back, that this was the commitment Brian had feared for so long.

Both knew that they could no more stop this than they could stop an avalanche roaring down a mountain.

Clothes seemed to miraculously disappear as they stumbled over each other on their way to Justin’s bed, anxious to keep as much of each other in physical contact as they possibly could.

When they finally reached their goal they paused for an instant, all reactions and responses heightened to an almost unbearable level, no drug could ever replicate this incredible awareness they felt for each other.

Brian pulled back for an instant, gazing deeply into Justin’s eyes searching and finding the answer to his unspoken question.

Justin smiled back with such force that Brian felt momentarily blinded, then reached up and pulled his lover into an embrace that never would end.

Neither man was stupid and neither man thought that their future would be easy, but both were certain that the future would always include the other and that was enough for now.


	22. Justin T, J.P.

AN (This ep is dedicated to all my friends on this site, you all continue to inspire me! Especially Donna and Mary luv you both heaps! Don't ever let the bastards get you down!)

 

Chapter 22

Justin’s head was thrown back as Brian took his time getting to know every inch of Justin’s neck from just below his chin to his Adam’s Apple.

“Brian!” Justin’s plea was halfway between begging, pleading and moaning, “Please?”

Brian paused in his explorations as he reveled in the velvet smooth feel of Justin’s skin; pushing back on his arms to gaze thoughtfully into Justin’s pleading pools, “Please what, Sunshine?”

“You’re killing me!”

Brian crooked a smile at Justin as he continued to nip and nibble on his throat, knowing exactly the effect it was having on the young man spread beneath him, “Now, how would I be doing that?”

Justin didn’t know what was affecting him more the sexy purr in the voice or the nipping and nibbling that was driving him insane with need and seemed to connect his brain directly to his cock.

He pushed ineffectually on Brian’s shoulders seeking to force him further down his body, although not too sure what he wanted at this stage.

Brian grinned back kissing him softly on the tip of his nose.

“Shh, I’m learning your neck, now I’ve lost my place and I’ll just have to start all over again. There was a very interesting place I remember just here,” he stooped to suck on the area just below Justin’s jawline.

Then he earnestly started to kiss Justin’s chin almost but not quite hiding the smile teasing the corners of his lips.

Justin squirmed beneath his expert touch.

Brian had just decided that he’d tortured the young man enough and started to move down towards his nipples, delighting in the way Justin was reacting to every movement, when his mobile phone rang.

“Fuck, let it go through to the answering service. Now where were we?”

Justin grinned in response and pulled Brian back up for a heartfelt kiss that almost made him cum on the spot.

“Fuck Justin, slow down! You make me feel, shit I don’t know how you make me feel, I’ve never felt like this so I’ve got no basis for comparison.”

Justin’s smile radiated through Brian’s entire being.

“Do you have to analyse everything Brian, you can just let yourself ‘feel’ you know, I promise not to kill you, at least not yet!”

This time it was Justin who slid down Brian’s body, placing soft sweet kisses at he went, his destination firmly in mind.

Again the noise of the phone interrupted their mutual ministrations.

“Fuck, Jus pass it here!”

Brian snatched his phone from Justin’s outstretched hand, swiftly glancing at the numerous messages all from the same source.

Justin watched the look of pain pass quickly across his face as the phone flew across the room to shatter against the wall.

Justin grasped Brian’s chin, forcing him to meet his eyes, trying to show all his love, understanding and support in that gaze.

Brian grimaced trying to turn away from the look that demanded as much as it gave.

Justin would not be denied, as Brian went to move off the bed, he deliberately sat on his lap and again grasped Brian firmly, this time by the shoulders, nuzzling under his chin and licking his way up to the space below his ear that he knew would have direct results on another part of Brian’s anatomy and smiling softly to himself as he felt the answering reaction beneath his own ass.

Brian moaned as he felt his body betray his determination to escape all the conflicting emotions he was enduring.

Justin moved with purpose deliberately grinding his own sweet ass into Brian’s rigid member; this time it was Brian who began to moan incoherently and Justin’s cell phone that interrupted them with ‘The Sounds of Silence’ blaring through their mutual ministrations.

“Leave it Jus!” Brian panted trying to regain his breath and his control as Justin took great delight in forcing sounds he never even knew he could make from him.

On the seventh call Justin reached past Brian towards his jeans and not pausing in his kisses, grabbed the offending article from its pocket and without even glancing at the screen also threw his phone against the wall.

Neither man even noticed the sound of the crash as they became so involved with exploring the other man’s body, each reaction bringing about an answering response as the excitement in their bodies rose to an almost unbearable fever pitch.

Brian swiveled Justin around onto the bed till once more he was spread in his naked glory beneath the almost salivating older man.

This time Brian wasted no time with preliminaries, except for the one short pause he took to just revel in the beauty spread before him.

He kissed his way down Justin’s body holding the young man firmly in place as he fought to thrust up into the firm, toned muscles looming above him.

Justin thrust his fingers into Brian’s soft hair, grasping each strand as if he were a drowning man clutching at straws to stay afloat as he sank into the sensations Brian was awakening in him.

Brian made his way swiftly and purposefully down Justin’s body, although his brain was also becoming lost in the responses he was finding in his own body, his hands, mouth and cock were easily able to work on auto-pilot.

He grasped Justin’s cock firmly in one hand as the other remained on Justin’s hips holding him in place.

Brian licked his lips, grinning to himself as he heard Justin moan in response to the action.

He decided to slow down and savor the moment once more, stopping and taking small licks at the very tip and slowly swirling his tongue around the top of Justin’s straining prick.

“Oh God, Brian!” Justin’s wail cut through the apartment.

Again Brian paused, to consider his new title, “Hmm God Brian, I kinda like that name. I might even get business cards printed!”

“Nyach, Brian please!”

“Uh, uh! God Brian, Sunshine, after all, it was you who named me!”

Brian had not ceased to stroke Justin’s shaft with slow controlled movements as he proceeded to drive the younger man insane with want.

He used his other hand to tiptoe up to Justin’s mouth placing two fingers at his willing lips to suck on.

Still holding on to Justin’s cock with one hand Brian placed his own tongue against the base of his partner’s rigid, leaking member; trying to ignore the strong urge to just fuck him, wanting to make this a real time to remember for them both; he licked all the way from the root to the tip following the vein, marking the route.

By now it wasn’t just the fact that Brian’s fingers were in Justin’s mouth that kept him from speaking, he had cleft coherent thoughts and speech behind him when he first felt Brian’s tongue touch his cock. 

Brian began to deep throat Justin as he let his previously occupied hand explore Justin’s nether regions, he gently rolled Justin’s balls in his sensitive fingers riding Justin’s prick with his lips as he pushed up into Brian’s clever mouth.

Both men were nearly beyond the point of no return when the phone rang shrilly beside the bed.

“Fuck I don’t believe this!”

Brian growled at the phone as Justin tried to bring himself back to reality.

As one they both reached for the phone, wrenching it from the wall and sending it crashing to join the remains of the other phones.

Brian and Justin grinned at each other as Brian reached over for the condoms and lube always to be found in the back pocket of his trousers.

Smiling in reassurance at Justin’s questioning gaze Brian placed his saliva-coated fingers at Justin’s waiting hole.

Brian again paused for a moment while he feasted on the view and Justin waited in expectant agony for their entry.

This time it was the hammering and thumping on the door that interrupted the two men.

“Ignore it and they’ll go away.” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear.

“Justin, Brian! Open up, we know you’re in there!” Deb’s strident voice screeched through the solid, wooden door as if were made of nylon.

“Fuck you know she won’t give up!”

“Brian?” Michael’s tremulous voice barely penetrated.

Brian frowned and sat up between Justin’s legs.

He grabbed the throw rug from the sofa and pulled it angrily around his tense body.

Justin sprang from the bed and threw on his jeans, hurrying over to open the door before Debbie succeeded in battering it down.

The minute he threw it open, Deb flew through the door with Michael in tow.

She stopped abruptly as she took in the sight of Brian wrapped in the blanket and Justin half undressed and both men obviously just emerged from the messy bed.

Michael’s eyes widened and looked as if they might fall out of his head as it swung from Justin to Brian mouth hanging open like a clown’s head in a circus sideshow.

“I knew it! I just knew it. You said that there was nothing between you two.”

The accusation as well as the whine was clear in Michael’s tone.

“No, I told you I hadn’t fucked him, Christ I still haven’t!”

Deb smirked a bit at the frustrated voice that erupted from Brian’s mouth.

“I never told you that I didn’t want him. Shit you’d have to be dead or a eunuch not to want him, just look at him.”

Brian lost himself for a minute in obvious admiration of Justin’s glowing form.

Deb’s stern tone cut through his reflections, “So let me get this straight.”

Brian winced at the word and Justin smirked, while Michael still sulked in the doorway.

“You wanted Justin the whole time and did nothing? Shit, that would have to be a first.”

Deb’s voice was caught between disbelief and an almost awkward admiration for his restraint.

“Brian Kinney resisting a trick? Unheard of!”

Brian frowned at Deb, “Justin could never be just a ‘trick’.”

Michael started at the vehement tone, “Why? He’s just another in a long line of twinks you’ve used and discarded.”

He took a vicious delight in the pain he saw pass swiftly over Justin’s expressive face.

Brian strode up to Justin, “I said he is not just another twink or another fuck. Justin is different.”

Deb took in the protective way Brian placed his arm around Justin’s shoulders.

“So what makes Justin different?” this time her tone was softer.

“This time I want him to stay.”

The words were uttered so quietly, yet firmly that all present heard the unspoken words of love that prompted them. Michael’s shoulders drooped even more and his sulky face began to drip tears.

Brian turned Justin in towards him, losing himself in the love and admiration he saw reflected in the blue eyes gazing back.

Deb snorted, almost laughing as she witnessed the telltale signs of love written in every line of Brian and Justin’s bodies as they became lost in each other, their lips drawn together as if by electromagnetic, irresistible forces.

“C’mon hon, I think we’d better leave these two love birds before they start fucking in front of us!”

“Love birds!? But ma, Brian loves me!”

“No honey, Brian loves Justin. Ethan is waiting for you, I think he really does have feelings for you so maybe you should give him a chance.”

She held up her hand as Michael went to interrupt with yet another complaint, “Honey, you lost Brian’s love the minute you chose to fuck Ethan, if you ever had it. I have a feeling that Justin has managed to break down the walls surrounding his heart that you never even knew were there!”

“But ma!”

“Enough Michael Charles Novotney, you lost him. Get used to it. We are leaving now.”

Deb left Michael no choice as she grasped his arm firmly and hauled him bodily out of Justin’s apartment, carefully closing the door on the two oblivious men passionately embracing.

Brian stopped the frantic kissing as he looked down at Justin, frog marching him back in the direction of the bed, carefully avoiding the shattered remains of the phones near the wall.

“Now where were we Sunshine?”


End file.
